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Saturday, August 22, 2009

finding back the spark.

hey youu.
latest update.
myself and meen got back together recently.

i think we've finally found back our spark of fire of our love.
i got over muff.
i think i do.

im crazy bout meen again.
she's the only one in the world whom i think really understands me.
above all,, she's the one who stood with me.
accepting my flaws.
loving me unconditionally.

yess,, we had our share of bad days in our relationship,,
but in the end,, we cant live without each other.

she treats me like a queen,, even after what i did to her.
how can anyone do that?

and as far as my studies.
im planning to do something bout it.
fix back what i destroyed.
i'm gonna get my life back.

the old farah is will be arriving soon.

thank you to those who helped me out.
when i was feeling down,,
ever so down.
when i was just about to give up on life.
there u were.
standing right beside me,,
pushing me,, in ur own unique way.

i'm gonna turn my life around.
everything will be owkay.

thank u God.

u shed some lights when everything was so dark.
even to a person like myself.
doing everything that im not suppose to.

im grateful.

wish me luck on brighting my future,, y'all!

xoxo,, .F.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

fuck life.

hello again.
yet another frustrating day.
had an arguement with mama.
well,, wouldnt call it an arguement,,
more like being scholded by her.

i told her i dont want to study anymore.
she freaked out.

wtf,, the truth is that i just have no intrest in studying anymore.
its all just too tiring.
my studies are dropping every sem.
i cant seem to be concerntrating in classes anymore.
i skipped a lot,,
and i mean a whole lot if classes this sem.

i would assume that all my lecturers are fed up wih me and my attitude.
whatmore can i say.
i just dont want to study anymore.

i need a fucking break laa.
yess,, im lazy.
so what.
i cant handle myself anymore.
i do things that i shouldnt be doing in the first place.
off lately,, i always manage to get myself into trouble.

wtf is wrong with this picture.
its like im changing into a whole different person.
i dont fucking know who i am anymore.
whats worst is that im not sure if i like the person i've become or not.

i've turn into this wild, crazy, outgoing, flirtatious, daring, angry, cold-hearted person.
it feels good at times, i have to admitt.
but why the hell do i feel that my life is falling apart.

my love-life broke into a million pieces,, because i just couldnt stop flirting.
my studies drop because i just dont care bout my future anymore.
my family is breaking apart.
my friends obviously dont like whom i've become.

fuck everything.
owh yea,, i sure curse a damn lot these days.
why the fuck is that.

damn the world.
deep inside me,, i know that this is just one of the phase that i have to go through.

but how long will it takes.
i know i've hurt a lot of people lately.
im sorry.
im sorry that i've changed.

its hard for me to change back.
once u've tasted paradise,, it's hard to let go.

im praying to you, God.
give me back my life.
please make me strong.
to face all these.

i dont fucking know how much longer i can hold on.

*sighing every single second of the fucking day.

Monday, August 17, 2009

fuck love.

these last cople of months had been fucking exhausting.
too much trouble.
too much drama.
im just so fucking tired.

i was in love with my partner meen,,
and we've been together for more than a year.
then,, all of the sudden,, the love was gone.
i still care for ther, yess, no doubt.
but i kinda have a thing for this someone.
lets refer her as muf.

yea,, i have a crush on her.
but im not expecting anything more than to e friends with her.
obviously i wasnt willing to let meen go.
but she couldnt handle it.
she was too jelous.

and meen is the type who keeps it all inside,,
so one day,,
she exploded and just lost her control.
she did things i couldnt imagine she would do.
she embarresed me in public.
and i dont know if i'll eer forgive her fo that.

so then,, i turn to muf for comfort.
and she was there for me
she had always been.

i tried to patch things up with meen.
i really did.
somehow,, its just not looking so good.

ohh, just fuck it.

so,, muff.
i thought about her all the time.
it feels like way back in highschool,,
when i had a crush on some one.
yea,, something like that.

so basically,, its like this.

i love meen.
but i like muff.
and every day feels like im loving her more and more.
idk,, is it really love.
i think its more to care.
i care bout her more and more.

darn it.
wtf is going to happen?
we'll just hv to wait and see.