wake me up when september ends.

dear blog.
i feel emptier more than ever today.
i never felt so hollow. ever.
i dont even know what's the matter.
idk what's wrong with me.

im good. healthy and all.
studies are okay.
me and mama patched things up already.
everythings okay with bro.
doin great with friends.
but still.
idk.
i feel hollow.

it happens every now and then.
once in a blue moon.
that im feeling moodless.
its not a bad mood. its just.
idk how to describe it.
feelingless.
as i said. hollow.

it made me feel grandpa.
beloved tok encik.
it made me miss him. so so much.
and i'd think back bout the times when he was around.
especially that yesterday was the independence day.
he used to be so proud,, and he'd raised up the flag high.
telling all the stories bout him in his army days.
god,, i miss him.
I MISS HIM !

things would be a whole lot different of he was still around.
for all i know,,
i would turned out very differently.
the family would definitely not fall apart.
its obvious that he was the glue sticking all of us together.
i would definitely be better.
a lot better.

pops,,
im sorry.
im sorry i didnt turned out as you wanted me to.
im sorry i am not a good girl.
im sorry i've let you down.
im sorry i didnt take care of mama.
im sorry i didnt take care of myself.
i am sorry.

i wish that you were here to help me.
show me the right way again.
help me find myself again.
im lost without you,,pops.
i miss you.
i hope you've reached a better place.
a great man like you deserves nothing less.
and i hope i can see you again.
maybe. soon. who knows.