tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91480748739244392172024-03-14T23:11:13.310+08:00chronicles of fu-ra-ha.my blog,, my story,, my life,, my point of view.
so shutdafuckup..F.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13637117544654678490noreply@blogger.comBlogger114125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9148074873924439217.post-89194837809139859332014-08-25T04:04:00.001+08:002014-08-25T04:04:20.934+08:00still stupid.why do people keep letting you down ?<br />
you must be the problem.<br />
you know what you're getting yourself into.<br />
she already has a girlfriend. but you choose to be with her anyway.<br />
of course you'll be the one with the brokenheart in the end.<br />
you think she'll choose you over her ?<br />
wake up man !<br />
<br />
her girlfriend is a lawyer.<br />
what are you ?<br />
a failure. thats what you are.<br />
you thought by giving her your all she'll love you like you love her ?<br />
wake up.<br />
WAKE UP !<br />
<br />
maybe you're just meant to be alone.<br />
<br />
you made it before.<br />
you can do it again.<br />
<br />
just another disappoinment.<br />
just another broken heart.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
.F.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13637117544654678490noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9148074873924439217.post-36680791282809798382013-07-25T03:56:00.002+08:002013-07-25T03:56:38.809+08:00suicidal note. three months to come,, its gonna be a whole year since i last write.<br />
a lot has happened between these 9 months of time.<br />
i dont know if someone is going to read this post. or if no one ever does. blogging just seems so outdated with all the other social networks these days.<br />
<br />
truth been told. i almost kill myself, 3 hours ago.<br />
theres just so many ways for someone to kill themselves.<br />
pills,, wrist cutting,, choke down on bleach or floor cleaners.<br />
hell,, u can even wrap ur head inside a plastic bag if u get too desperate.<br />
<br />
of course it has to be about love.<br />
it has to be about some girl.<br />
it just have to be about someone i love. more than i love myself.<br />
<br />
and that someone just doesnt love me.<br />
<br />
and i have to be so fuckin insecure about it.<br />
and be so fuckin depressed. EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.<br />
and cry myself to sleep. and just wake up the next day to cry and cry again.<br />
<br />
why do we have to feel this way.<br />
why the fuck do i have to have feelings.<br />
why cant i just be cold hearted and heartless. feelingless.<br />
why cant i write this while not shedding a single drop of tear.<br />
why do i have to be so fucking fragile.<br />
<br />
my previous realtionships always have the same patern.<br />
with meen. with arm. started out as a friend and fall in love together.<br />
and this time. it had to be different with her.<br />
<br />
it started out too fast. she loved me so much even without getting to know me very well.<br />
we broke up after two weeks of a relationship because i couldnt commit. and then we got into an open relationship.<br />
<br />
then we get back together eventhough it was a long distant relationship.<br />
and as time passes,, i fell more and more in love with her.<br />
giving her everything that i can give including my heart and hoping she wouldnt break it.<br />
<br />
little did i know that for her,, as time passes,, she fell OUT OF LOVE with me.<br />
she loved me lesser and lesser. and she did not mention anything . not until last night.<br />
<br />
i dont know for sure. but i think i have never loved someone this much.<br />
so knowing that she didnt lpve me back,, just kills me.<br />
no wonder she has been nothing but cold and unloving towards me these past few weeks.<br />
i once promised myself to never be this vulnerable.<br />
what happened to me.<br />
<br />
farah,,<br />
she just doesnt love you.<br />
maybe she used to before. but not anymore.<br />
whether is your fault or hers. it doesnt matter anymore.<br />
things will not be okay between you anymore.<br />
you just have to accept that and let it go.<br />
<br />
i lost the intrest to do anything anymore.<br />
i swear to god,, suicide is all i can think about. every single minute of the day.<br />
what else can you do when u cany do anything anymore.<br />
crying just doesnt help.<br />
i feel helpless. pathetic. alone. pityfull. pathetic. and pathetic.<br />
thisbtime last year i was a cheerful and healthy person.<br />
<br />
and now im just a nicotine addict.<br />
<br />
maybe ill persue my suicidal dreams one of these days.<br />
im just miserable living, anyway.<br />
same old routine. same old sacrifices. same old task,<br />
and nothing to look forward to.<br />
<br />
i love my mom. but i just cant do this anymore.<br />
i dont want yo live anymore.<br />
<br />
and now,, losing someone who has the whole of my heart,, just makes me feel like im a walking zombie.<br />
and she doesnt care.<br />
she doesnt know that iys my heart shes breaking.<br />
and my head shes messing with.<br />
and my life on the line.<br />
<br />
my psychotic disease is back.<br />
much worst this time.<br />
sometime i think that i need to be on meds,<br />
<br />
sometimes i just swallow some painkillers, without reason.<br />
sometimes i simply cut myself. without reason.<br />
<br />
maybe. just maybe.<br />
i just really cant take it anymore.<br />
<br />
i dont think anyone can help me.<br />
<br />
im sorry.<br />
<br />.F.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13637117544654678490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9148074873924439217.post-57445953050185239142012-10-18T04:05:00.000+08:002012-10-18T04:05:20.417+08:000405 am.dear blog.<br />
I've been very busy and i just couldn't find the time to actually sit down and write.<br />
since using the tablet,, i dont use the laptop as much as i used to. only for assignments,, movies,, himym and L word. ;)<br />
<br />
though i gotta admit. i do miss writing.<br />
pouring my heart out without a care in the world of what anybody would think.<br />
plus i no suck at writing and speaking in english since i practice it less and less everyday. ;(<br />
<br />
currently in jb. no class for this semester. just business plan. (final project paper).<br />
so meetings with the group members and adviser every now and then. therefore i have a lot of free time that i can make use of. instead,, me being me,, i spent most of the time with friends. doing things that are not actually useful. haha.<br />
<br />
i dont even want to begin to talk about love life. so that's that.<br />
<br />
am going to universal studio singapore for the second time in two days.<br />
but this time with a few of college friends.<br />
i have a feeling it will be legendary. =)<br />
<br />
you see. im actually out of ideas of what to write. the inspiration to write is just not there anymore.<br />
hmmm.<br />
what have i become..F.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13637117544654678490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9148074873924439217.post-20338428430900783602012-03-09T22:29:00.002+08:002012-03-09T22:39:30.546+08:00death is everywhere.i found out i lost a friend today.<div>funny thing,, even though kita tak rapat dgan someone,, </div><div>but ble dapat tau that someone is gone forever,, hati still rasa pilu.</div><div>masa tu laa baru nak teringat all the time spent together.</div><div>sayu gila rasa.</div><div><br /></div><div>wani. a friend from kelana puteri.</div><div>we practically stayed under the same roof. even for a short while.</div><div>she had an accident. motor and kereta. baru balik dari pasar malam.</div><div>its been a while since i saw her,, or even contacted her for that matter.</div><div><br /></div><div>she's my age. such a young age. banyak lagi tak dapat rasa dalam dunia nie.</div><div>but God loves her more.</div><div><br /></div><div>to wani : eff mintak maaf if selama nie ada salah silap. tak dapat nak mintak maaf betul2 dgan wanie.</div><div>kitorg akan rindu wani. kepala gila wani. manja2 wani. </div><div>sedih sangat hilang kawan macam wani. semoga wani ditempatkan dengan orang2 yang beriman. amin.</div><div><br /></div><div>to the others : Allah boleh ambil nyawa kita or siapa2 je bila2 dy nak. </div><div>we may never know. therefore,, always ask for forgiveness,, and always forgive the others. </div><div>sihat macam mana pun tubuh badan,, kalau umur pendek,, takbley nak cakap apa2.</div><div>so dear readers,, please forgive me for any mistakes at all. </div><div>and when will we ever learn ?!</div><div>tolong lah carefull sikit dkat jalan raya tu. </div><div>tak payah nak show off bawak laju2 bagai.</div><div>sometimes kita tak buat salah tapi orang laen bley jadi careless. mabuk or whatsoever.</div><div>so just drive slowly,, insyallah selamat.</div><div><br /></div><div>till then.</div><div><br /></div><div>Al Fatihah utk arwah Wani. </div>.F.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13637117544654678490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9148074873924439217.post-1142231881546660782012-03-04T01:16:00.002+08:002012-03-04T01:32:01.723+08:00i use to do this everyday back in 2009.<div> <label>When did you last cry?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">last night. kot. haha.</span><br /><br /> </div> <input name="questions[3][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[3][text]" value="What was the reason you last cried?" type="hidden"> <div> <label>What was the reason you last cried?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">its kinda personal. :) yheapp. some secrets need to be kept.</span><br /><br /> </div> <input name="questions[4][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[4][text]" value="Do you consider yourself and emotional person?" type="hidden"> <div> <label>Do you consider yourself and emotional person?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">come to think of it,, yeahh. i can be one sometimes. especially when om alone. heh.</span><br /><br /> </div> <input name="questions[5][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[5][text]" value="Does anything hurt on your body?" type="hidden"> <div> <label>Does anything hurt on your body?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">idts.</span><br /><br /> </div> <input name="questions[6][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[6][text]" value="Any current scabs or bruises?" type="hidden"> <div> <label>Any current scabs or bruises?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">nope.<br /><br /></span> </div> <input name="questions[7][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[7][text]" value="Are you klutsy or accident prone?" type="hidden"><input name="questions[8][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[8][text]" value="Ever tripped over your own feet?" type="hidden"> <div> <label>Ever tripped over your own feet?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">haha. yeah2. macam la kau tak pernah kan. </span><br /><br /> </div> <input name="questions[9][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[9][text]" value="How long has it been since you took vitamins?" type="hidden"> <div> <label>How long has it been since you took vitamins?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">i take them everyday. ;)</span><br /><br /> </div> <input name="questions[10][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[10][text]" value="When is the last time you took medicine?" type="hidden"> <div> <label>When is the last time you took medicine?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">uhh. few days back. gastric pain.</span><br /><br /> </div> <input name="questions[11][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[11][text]" value="What was the medicine for?" type="hidden"> <div> <label>What was the medicine for?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">ohh terjawab in advance tdy. gastric. </span><br /><br /> </div> <input name="questions[12][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[12][text]" value="Ever had any illnesses or diseases?" type="hidden"> <div> <label>Ever had any illnesses or diseases?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">just normal flu and fever every now and then.</span><br /><br /> </div> <input name="questions[13][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[13][text]" value="Do you get headaches often?" type="hidden"> <div> <label>Do you get headaches often?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">yeah.</span><br /><br /> </div> <input name="questions[14][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[14][text]" value="Do you have health insurance?" type="hidden"> <div> <label>Do you have health insurance?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">no.</span><br /><br /> </div> <input name="questions[15][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[15][text]" value="If so, who is it through?" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[16][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[16][text]" value="Do you want plastic surgery?" type="hidden"> <div> <label>Do you want plastic surgery?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">why would i ?</span><br /><br /> </div> <input name="questions[17][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[17][text]" value="If it was free, what 1 thing would you have done?" type="hidden"> <div> <label>If it was free, what 1 thing would you have done?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">uuhhhh. kalau free lah kan. lipo. HAHA !</span><br /><br /> </div> <input name="questions[18][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[18][text]" value="How much do you think it costs to have a boob job?" type="hidden"> <div> <label>How much do you think it costs to have a boob job?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">dont know. dont care.</span><br /><br /> </div> <input name="questions[19][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[19][text]" value="Do you have or want any tattoo's?" type="hidden"> <div> <label>Do you have or want any tattoo's?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">no. and no.</span><br /><br /> </div> <input name="questions[20][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[20][text]" value="If so, what do you have or want?" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[21][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[21][text]" value="Would you consider permanent make-up?" type="hidden"> <div> <label>Would you consider permanent make-up?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">no. geez.</span><br /><br /> </div> <input name="questions[22][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[22][text]" value="What do you think is the perfect age to start having children?" type="hidden"> <div> <label>What do you think is the perfect age to start having children?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">im not sure.</span><br /><br /> </div> <input name="questions[23][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[23][text]" value="How many children would you like to have?" type="hidden"> <div> <label>How many children would you like to have?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">none ?</span><br /><br /> </div> <input name="questions[24][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[24][text]" value="Do you already have names picked out of your future children?" type="hidden"> <div> <label>Do you already have names picked out of your future children?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">i dont want kids.</span><br /><br /> </div> <input name="questions[25][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[25][text]" value="How effective is the pull out method when it comes to birth control?" type="hidden"> <div> <label>How effective is the pull out method when it comes to birth control?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">idk.</span><br /><br /> </div> <input name="questions[26][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[26][text]" value="What is your birth control method of choice?" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[27][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[27][text]" value="Ever had a pregnancy scare when you weren't planning?" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[28][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[28][text]" value="Do you get along better with your mom or dad?" type="hidden"> <div> <label>Do you get along better with your mom or dad?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">mamaaaa. :)</span><br /><br /> </div> <input name="questions[29][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[29][text]" value="When did you last speak to a family member?" type="hidden"> <div> <label>When did you last speak to a family member?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">mama. like 20 minutes ago ?</span><br /><br /> </div> <input name="questions[30][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[30][text]" value="How much do you spend on your parents for Christmas?" type="hidden"> <div> <label>How much do you spend on your parents for Christmas?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">not celebrating.</span><br /><br /> </div> <input name="questions[31][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[31][text]" value="Will you raise your children how you were raised?" type="hidden"> <div> <label>Will you raise your children how you were raised?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">if there were any.</span><br /><br /> </div> <input name="questions[32][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[32][text]" value="Are you a Christian?" type="hidden"> <div> <label>Are you a Christian?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">muslim and proud</span>.<br /><br /> </div> <input name="questions[33][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[33][text]" value="Do you consider yourself to be religious?" type="hidden"> <div> <label>Do you consider yourself to be religious?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">not so.<br /><br /></span><input name="questions[37][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[37][text]" value="Are you saving your money for any big purchase right now?" type="hidden"> </div><div> <label>Are you saving your money for any big purchase right now?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">kinda.</span><br /><br /> </div> <input name="questions[38][type]" value="q" type="hidden"> <input name="questions[38][text]" value="If you were given 1k dollars and had to use it on 1 purchase, what would you buy?" type="hidden"> <label>If you were given 1k dollars and had to use it on 1 purchase, what would you buy?</label><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">no money no talk. ;)</span>.F.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13637117544654678490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9148074873924439217.post-48992087895474582782012-02-09T00:34:00.003+08:002012-02-09T00:51:47.577+08:00lets talk future.hello february !<div>the month of love. the month of my sixth semester for my DCA in unitar begins.</div><div>class should've started today,, but believe it or not,, the schedules are not even out yet.</div><div>so is the result for last sem's exams. but the grades are out though.</div><div><br /></div><div>dah lama tak rasa cuak macam tadi. my hands were shaking as i browsed through my phone.</div><div>i was having the cold sweats. jantung berdebar2. </div><div><br /></div><div>alhamdulillah,, my grades are okay. but it could've been better. </div><div>purchasing and cost control<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span> : A+</div><div>pengajian islam<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span> : A-</div><div>food service sanitation<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span> : A-</div><div>garde manger artistry<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span> : B</div><div>international cuisine <span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span> : B-</div><div><br /></div><div>and lepas kira2,, gpa was only 3.42. i was hoping for another DL. but what to do. </div><div>maybe i didnt try hard enough. </div><div>apepun,, syukur dgan grades yang sedia ada.</div><div>better luck next time. :')</div><div>was feeling down for a while,, but im okay now. i think.</div><div><br /></div><div>rasa macam next sem nak amek 6 subjects. or kalau tak bz sgt,, maybe 7.</div><div>mcm dah terlambat je if i stick to the five subjects. nty grad lambat pulak.</div><div><br /></div><div>hmmm. sabar je laaa farah. next sem please lahh kay. </div><div>takde mood. sheesh.</div><div>kau nak jd chef tapi kitchen classes kau dua2 dapat B.</div><div>kecewa dgan diri sendiri. tapi im sure ada hikmah. </div><div><br /></div><div>kbai.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>.F.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13637117544654678490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9148074873924439217.post-85426647774040950922012-01-28T00:53:00.002+08:002012-01-28T01:32:57.349+08:00one blood.dear blog.<div>i know i have neglected you recently. </div><div>for the past few months actually.</div><div>but you're still the one i come to to pour my heart out.</div><div><br /></div><div>im currently in johor. sem break.</div><div>bro's having his break as well,, so the household is complete.</div><div>class will be starting on the 6th. and results will be out the day before that.</div><div>not looking forward,, really. </div><div><br /></div><div>life's okay. except for the fact that i've gained weight over the months.</div><div>yeahhhh. my eating habit got way out of control.</div><div>i worry for my self sometimes. wish it would stop. sighs.</div><div>i really2 think i should stop smoking.</div><div>i started noticing lines on my face,, under my eyes. </div><div>i wish its just that easy. determination is not there. </div><div><br /></div><div>went to the dentist today.</div><div>fuck i hate dentists ! they'll start nagging and telling you that you should stop smoking and </div><div>take care of your teeth and bla bla bla. boring ! dah la sakit !</div><div>"your gump is really weak" uhhhhh ! thats why i went to you,, dear dentist !</div><div>buat je diam2 takbley ? kene jgak membebel ? menyamp !</div><div><br /></div><div>i stayed home mostly here. </div><div>went out with yulie a couple of times,, and with sad once.</div><div>other than that just groceries shopping with mama.</div><div>sometimes i feel like my life,, this time last year,, was the total opposite. pfft.</div><div><br /></div><div>so,, was watching HIMYM (how i met your mother) lastnight. </div><div>season 7,, episode 10 made me cry. ='(</div><div>made me realize that sometimes people,, even the ones we love so much,,</div><div>wont appreciate our sacrifices,, no matter how big they are.</div><div>its every man for himself,, sometimes. life is cruel.</div><div><br /></div><div>family crisis. a brother needs her sister right now,, gotta go.</div><div>we had a big fight yesterday. and i said some hurtful stuff to him.</div><div>i didnt mean it bro. i love you. </div><div>your blood runs in mine. i'm sorry. </div>.F.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13637117544654678490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9148074873924439217.post-38554276056306192812012-01-17T15:36:00.002+08:002012-01-17T15:49:31.519+08:00imy,, anak pakcik ibrahim.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_FppA9UYNxeyU3ltwSyrSx0J_MSSDU2WWuTH7rGpibAMhyphenhyphenIjHJ6zA2Bu4JOjISzoyUkgCYqliQZLfAqNXhFEMoI7ilbx5n_a06ms2lNs_NGp3b8QF5vl9zd8Vo7avytl2UEm3bIUsaa3t/s1600/sunflower.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 125px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_FppA9UYNxeyU3ltwSyrSx0J_MSSDU2WWuTH7rGpibAMhyphenhyphenIjHJ6zA2Bu4JOjISzoyUkgCYqliQZLfAqNXhFEMoI7ilbx5n_a06ms2lNs_NGp3b8QF5vl9zd8Vo7avytl2UEm3bIUsaa3t/s200/sunflower.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5698501981150227218" /></a><div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><u>SUNFLOWER.</u></span></div><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><u><br /></u></span></div>it's yellow shines brightly,,</div><div>just as the sun.</div><div>people choose roses mostly,,</div><div>but i think sunflowers have more fun.</div><div><br /></div><div>blooming as tall as they can be,,</div><div>they became all flowers' king.</div><div>just like you my dearest hubby,,</div><div>with you i'm flying without wings.</div><div><br /></div><div>surrounded by pretty yellow petals,,</div><div>no thorns so it does no harm.</div><div>my heart made of steels and metals,,</div><div>you melt away with your gifted charms.</div><div><br /></div><div>enough said of how much i love you,,</div><div>may our love bloom forever.</div><div>dedicating this to my only bubu,,</div><div>for you are my beloved sunflower.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span></div><div><br /></div>.F.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13637117544654678490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9148074873924439217.post-50138005627748049412012-01-14T23:37:00.003+08:002012-01-14T23:47:48.593+08:00two thousand and twelve already.hope its not too late to wish everyone a very happy new year !<br />=)<br />2012. the year the world would come to an end. so they say.<br />but who knows,, really.<br />only God.<br /><br />im currently in jb.<br />ended my fifth semester last week and here i am.<br />weee.<br />had a feeling this sem's result wont be as great as previous sems.<br />but im still hoping.<br /><br />i really2 miss blogging.<br />but my netbook is experiencing kerosakan wifi.<br />it cant connect to wifi-s connection.<br />ni pun pakai laptop mama.<br />kalau tak online pakai fone je lah.<br />and there's no fun in blogging thru fone.<br /><br />anywho.<br />as promised. i managed to upload these two videos bout my family in youtube.<br />kalau berminat,, tgok. kalau taknak,, tak payah.<br />=)<br /><br />http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vz7OmpA6wsk<br /><br />http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cuvqan4LZYM<br /><br />another video is yet to be uploaded.<br /><br />so,, new project : cupcakes.<br />i have to make cupcakes for an engagement.<br />people started ordering,, bla bla bla.<br />till then.<br /><br />xoxo..F.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13637117544654678490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9148074873924439217.post-40344550834330628892011-12-15T20:26:00.002+08:002011-12-15T20:40:19.996+08:00looking back.before we know it,, <div>we're at the ending of the year 2011.</div><div>we've become another year older.</div><div>we gained another year of experiences.</div><div>we lost friends,, families,, loved ones.</div><div>still,, we gained new ones.</div><div><br /></div><div>i've been busy with the assignments and all the preparations for my final exams.</div><div>(two weeks time)</div><div>and i have to get a few slide shows done for my family reunion next week.</div><div>of course the task was given months earlier,, </div><div>but me being me,, tgal seminggu bru nak buat lah kan.</div><div><br /></div><div>so i got lotsa photos of the family.</div><div>zaman aku tak wujud lagi pun ada. gambar hitam putih.</div><div>haha.</div><div>and then gamba masa kecik2,, masa rambut mushroom.</div><div>heee.</div><div>have u ever look at the young-you photo,,</div><div>and just wondered if u had known that you'd turn out to be the now-you.</div><div>would you do anything about it ? would u change anything ?</div><div><br /></div><div>honestly,, looking back,, </div><div>i thought i'd be someone very different from who i am now.</div><div>im not saying i dont like me. but.</div><div>idk. how else could i had been right.</div><div><br /></div><div>so dear readers,, do u like who u turned out to be ?</div><div>is life okay for you ?</div><div><br /></div><div>i think. however life turned out to be for us,,</div><div>make full use of it. </div><div>u can be who you want be. the door will always be open.</div><div>unless,, of course,, you die. haha.</div><div>just kidding.</div><div><br /></div><div>gotta go. two slide shows to be done. i'll upload it when its finish.</div><div><br /></div><div>i love you,, blog.</div>.F.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13637117544654678490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9148074873924439217.post-45090946545482668652011-11-16T04:01:00.002+08:002011-11-16T04:33:54.725+08:00miracle happens once in a while.*tarik nafas dalam2. coz this is gonna be one long post.<div><br /></div><div>i couldnt sleep.</div><div><br /></div><div>first : the air cond broke down. tetibe buat hal pulak. padahal baru je servis.</div><div>not to say im gedik or anything. tp dah biasa. so malam nie mcm panas sikit,, i'd rather tak tido.</div><div>hopefully esok dah biasa,, so boleh tdo. pfft.</div><div><br /></div><div>secondly,, im like addicted to this series HIMYM. </div><div>HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER.</div><div>my brother got hold of the whole 6 seasons from the beginning,, so</div><div>memang layan citer nie je lah memanjang. which lead me to the third reason why i cant sleep.</div><div><br /></div><div>thirdly : i cant miss class tmorrow. i really3 cant.</div><div>its garde manger. and my garde manger was supposed to be on monday,,</div><div>which i didnt attend,, due to overslept,, because i slept at 5 am the night before,, because i was watching HIMYM. and completing some assgnments. </div><div><br /></div><div>okay people,, including last monday,, i've missed 4 garde manger classes. IN A ROW.</div><div>thats 4 weeks equivalent to a whole month ! </div><div><br /></div><div>HOWEVER,, 1 class was canceled by the lecturer,, and i was on MC for another class and that leaves us with two classes. tomorrow i'm attending his class (with another group - also my classmates) so that made me absent for only one of his class. right ?</div><div><br /></div><div>still,, i got the feeling he's gonna be nagging and asking,, and nagging,, and nagging. </div><div>i got kinda freaked out. and here i am blogging my heart out.</div><div>just hope that everything will go well tomorrow. </div><div>so I CANT SLEEP !</div><div><br /></div><div>i cant miss his class again. </div><div><br /></div><div>yeah,, another thing,, my samsung phone dah rosak. i didnt even get a chance to copy all the important numbers. </div><div>well,, its time anyway. brapa tahun dah pakai fone tu. brape kali jatuh dah. berenang dlm air tembikai pun pernah. heee.</div><div><br /></div><div>so.</div><div>what am i supposed to say tmorrow ?</div><div>what excuse can possibly make up for absence of four classes in a row ?!</div><div>gahhhh !</div><div>it kills me. im so dead tomorrow.</div><div>i mean he could bar me. he really could.</div><div>coz those 3 weeks,, i missed a lot. most if the chapters would be up in the final exams.</div><div>so i might as well drop the paper right ?</div><div>oh well,, just see how it goes 2mrw.</div><div><br /></div><div>pray for me,, guys. =/</div><div><br /></div><div>another thing. i kinda think that i havent been letting my stress out lately.</div><div>i mean,, i dont talk to people so much,, coz most of my problems are quite personal. </div><div>so i smoke. i smoke and smoke and smoke. (cigarettes) until the other day,, i puked my lungs out before i go to sleep. and fuck it,, my chest hurts so much that time. </div><div>it got really hard to breath. </div><div>macam semput pun ada jugak.</div><div><br /></div><div>and my temper (oh the temper). </div><div>i got upset and mad like every single day now.</div><div>hari2 mengamuk. tumbuk dinding. tiang lampu. campak barang.</div><div>most of the time sebab bende kecik je.</div><div>sometimes i just feel like im going out of my mind.</div><div>and yess,, sygg sy tu la asek terkena tempias nye.</div><div>im sorry bie. bare with me okay.</div><div><br /></div><div>what should i do ?</div><div>stress is building itself inside of me and i dont know how to get rid of it.</div><div>sometimes i just cant control my emotions,, i cried.</div><div>even over the smallest things.</div><div>i dont know. *sighs.</div><div><br /></div><div>i hope things'll change soon.</div><div>who knows. miracle comes in the form of something we wont even realize.</div><div>* i believe in miracles now ? whoaaa. pfft.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div> </div>.F.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13637117544654678490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9148074873924439217.post-13645159739670648312011-10-21T02:57:00.002+08:002011-10-21T03:02:23.101+08:00lemah. lemau. lelah.tiba2 perasaan nak stone membuak2.<div>cmne ?!</div><div>chop coriander nampak ganja.</div><div>chop mint leaves nampak weed. </div><div>hadoiiii. </div><div>*ohh 'perasaan' ini,, sila pergi jauh2.</div><div>kau telah lama ku tinggalkan. </div><div>hishhhhhh. </div><div>tgan mula menggatal msg tny org sana sini.</div><div>self reminder : STOP IT JGAN NAK MENGADA !</div>.F.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13637117544654678490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9148074873924439217.post-35138962978162970862011-09-24T14:40:00.002+08:002011-09-24T15:06:15.051+08:00jantan cilaka.imagine you're me okay.<div>a stranger,, u've met for a day,, </div><div>and u have to be nice to him,, coz he's a friend of ur mom.</div><div>he comes to u,, and starts to advice you about life.</div><div><br /></div><div>first off : "why do you smoke ? you should really quit."</div><div>by all means,, its non of his effin' business. but its about health and shit. its a positive thing i guess.</div><div>so i took it quite positively.</div><div><br /></div><div>next : "why do you eat so much ? you should go to gym. exercise. if you use the track mill everyday,, in three weeks,, you will look like me."</div><div>first things first dude,, you DONT look that great. you dont even look healthy. perut kau tu tak buncit pulak. ?</div><div>so i answered : "what makes you think i want to be like you ? i am comfortable as i am"</div><div>dia mengeluh and terdiam kjap. tak puas hati aku degil lah tu.</div><div>deyy,, i am not going to slim down to impress anyone. if i AM going to do it,, its going to be for myself. not for anyone. let alone a stranger like you !</div><div>and then he start saying about health and shit again. "i just want you to be healthy and all".</div><div>bukan nak bongkak tapi aku rasa aku nie jarang sakit. kalau g clinic pun check up takde ape2.</div><div>so what ever. i dodge that one as well.</div><div><br /></div><div>the third one : "u're 21. u have to start using ur head. start thinking about ur future. marriage. kids."</div><div>WHATDAFUCK ! yg ni aku tak boleh terima. kau kenal aku pun tak,, ada hati nak ckap cmnie !</div><div>aku terus potong cakap dia.</div><div>"listen to me bro,, ever since i was a kid,, i never imagined myself getting married,, or having kids. when i say the word 'future',, i imagine a good,, stable career with a house and a car of my own,, and my mom's face saying she's proud of me. i dont see any man in 'future'."</div><div><br /></div><div>and then he started telling me not to be too close to arm. he doesnt want b to be a lesbian.</div><div>so i said :</div><div>"why do people always condemned gay people. WE are not the ones who kills. WE are not the ones who steal. WE are not the ones who rape. WE never interrupt other people's lives. so why wont you people leave us alone ?!"</div><div><br /></div><div>and then he started talking about God and Religion. haaa. nie takbley blah. aku tak sure pon foreigner nie Islam ke tak.</div><div>but because my mom was nearby,, and aku nak jaga hati dia. so pekak kan telinga and ulang balik ape yg aku ckap. tak guna jugak nak explain dgan org cmnie. dy bukan tau apa2 pun. </div><div><br /></div><div>the next day,, i had a big fight wih my mom. aku tak tahu laa ape jantan nie dah ckap dgan mama. but suddenly mama angen dgan aku. </div><div>is it my fuckin fault defending my rights and my life ?</div><div><br /></div><div>idk what he did and say. but he succeeded. aku gaduh dgan mama. brapa hr dah tak bcakap nie.</div><div><br /></div><div>serabut kepala otak nie. haihhhhh. ceritanya jauh lagi complicated dr ape yg aku tulis nie sbenanye. </div><div>tapi ada benda2 yg aku rasa aku taknak ceritakan in public sbb taknak mengaibkan sapa2.</div><div><br /></div><div>so let it be. nak smoke sampai mati. </div>.F.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13637117544654678490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9148074873924439217.post-66601944342332637902011-09-23T10:42:00.005+08:002011-09-23T11:04:08.750+08:00mourning his death.<div><br /></div><div>***playing : i miss you - miley cyrus***</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh2cMtezlaL6dgobCHKu5gFllpJDxIWvyJE0ZcmyRRiNNc0X63v1PkGep_mpu2EAcJpOEcxNAyMVgWdAd0PMkfa_kVlwBpNY8oG6xsCTMEU7SlAPRqjSIp_Ph5EZIXvDxF7MBm8Z5vpT5W/s1600/SPM_A0589.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjh2cMtezlaL6dgobCHKu5gFllpJDxIWvyJE0ZcmyRRiNNc0X63v1PkGep_mpu2EAcJpOEcxNAyMVgWdAd0PMkfa_kVlwBpNY8oG6xsCTMEU7SlAPRqjSIp_Ph5EZIXvDxF7MBm8Z5vpT5W/s200/SPM_A0589.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5655383348178443410" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVQ6iaNeVwbcE-3XZJbIDFp_YqpkyU6wQdWweDqT-1UCIj_0GcgjaUdNyRKntJ2TrZAq8qmayh18H212HBM4mKzyvx6KGwgnCKD9VP2BJiELQOrTDG0wt8yvKSJYX6OFZZOqZxaAMB3di_/s1600/SPM_A0984.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVQ6iaNeVwbcE-3XZJbIDFp_YqpkyU6wQdWweDqT-1UCIj_0GcgjaUdNyRKntJ2TrZAq8qmayh18H212HBM4mKzyvx6KGwgnCKD9VP2BJiELQOrTDG0wt8yvKSJYX6OFZZOqZxaAMB3di_/s200/SPM_A0984.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5655383183975023954" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhyphenhyphenlHFpSPUv4by24lEiROBz5zrCPt18U8tdUbtuom5ZFVf5kI68Vi0Qf45Sj9Rvp3DwYw2PMZx62nwvwO3XrL5J8RBKjXCrFA0LLPHX6xmx40191146O6R2zNbsAZlYyOQDYz3_43TFXw_/s1600/SPM_A0441.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhyphenhyphenlHFpSPUv4by24lEiROBz5zrCPt18U8tdUbtuom5ZFVf5kI68Vi0Qf45Sj9Rvp3DwYw2PMZx62nwvwO3XrL5J8RBKjXCrFA0LLPHX6xmx40191146O6R2zNbsAZlYyOQDYz3_43TFXw_/s200/SPM_A0441.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5655383010249642098" /></a><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhc_Pmc2MzcPtgCmOHtTIoXfwMlVVrWsoaa-KeuQr6Yyo-ZEwcAzO10JL1_S7uBr2TnPO3NXzBYUV6OHJO4XqNOX970lZ5TL2Ln8mdT4P_QTfKagDIbusNWz0gkxX_d5LEraxGmKfzj6CsE/s1600/SPM_A0795.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhc_Pmc2MzcPtgCmOHtTIoXfwMlVVrWsoaa-KeuQr6Yyo-ZEwcAzO10JL1_S7uBr2TnPO3NXzBYUV6OHJO4XqNOX970lZ5TL2Ln8mdT4P_QTfKagDIbusNWz0gkxX_d5LEraxGmKfzj6CsE/s200/SPM_A0795.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5655382801572919522" /></a><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><b><span class="Apple-style-span" >CASPER / ATEH / BABY</span></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><i>in loving memory.</i></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><i>31st Oct 2010 - 20 Sept 2011.</i></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><i><br /></i></span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" >forever in my heart,,baby. irreplaceable. i hope you know that you are loved and forever will be loved. </span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" >='(</span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span"><span class="Apple-style-span" >have fun in heaven.<br /></span></span></span><br /></div>.F.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13637117544654678490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9148074873924439217.post-56468322991849012692011-09-03T13:19:00.002+08:002011-09-03T13:46:29.443+08:00my worst mistake which im GLAD i can address as a past tense.i met epy last night and i got my stuff back from asshole meen.
<br /><div>obviously not all of them. takkan baju aku tiga helai je,,babi ?</div><div>ade pulak terselit ntah spender sape and tank top sape ntah. i know it wasnt mine.</div><div>nampak sangat kao dah nyanyuk kan ?</div><div>and for ur info,, dear readers,, </div><div>i threw it all away. because it was contaminated by this freak.</div><div>yes,, kao sangat keji sampai mcm tu skali.</div><div>you're a piece of shit. no wait. scratch that.</div><div>u're not even at the same level as shit. like a million times lower than that.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>so,, reader. this will be my last post about </div><div>NUR ATHIRA SYAKINA BT JUHAIDI YEAN LAI JOO</div><div>I/C : 890925-14-xingt.</div><div>244 kg chicha kubang krian Kelantan.</div><div>* a lil joke for naz. HAHA. credit to her for this. =)</div><div> </div><div>so lepas nie <b>SUMPAH</b> aku takkan nak mencemarkan blog aku dgan nama kao lagi. yeay !</div><div>im doing this pon because it feels damn good to let it out of my chest.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>utk pengetahuan semua,,</div><div>minah or mamat or minah perasan mamat nie is a big time FREAK.</div><div>she's a psycho.</div><div>and a freak.</div><div>oh did i mention that she's a freak ?</div><div>
<br /></div><div>otak undeveloped and sorry to say,, tak berapa pandai. * wait im not sorry at all. mmg dy bodoh pon*</div><div>masok uitm pon sbb bapak org berpengaruh.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>actually there's so so so much shit i can say about her.</div><div>because,, well,, she's just so full of shit.</div><div>but i think i wont.</div><div>because that would make me just like you.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>i am educated and civilized so im not going to mention all the PRIVATE things in the past.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>but i'll tell u this. </div><div>KAU TAKKAN BERJAYA DALAM HIDUP KAU !</div><div>because that will be my last wish to God.</div><div>kau tak habes2 menganaiya orang.</div><div>menggunakan orang mcm aku.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>demi ALLAH aku tak halalkan segala benda / duit / makan minum kau.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>readers,, aku bnyk dosa,, aku tao. </div><div>nobody's perfect. and trust me,, im trying to redeem my self.</div><div>Insyallah boleh.</div><div>=)</div><div>
<br /></div><div>thank you sainatulakma for always being there for me and understanding my lil life.</div><div>and thank you for showing me theres much more to life than alcohol,, drugs and clubs.</div><div>i love you with all my heart.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>and for those yang ada ex bodoh mcm aku yang aku rase malu nak ngaku ex tu,,</div><div>remember this always :</div><div>
<br /></div><div><i>never pick a fight with idiots,,</i></div><div><i>they'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.</i></div><div>
<br /></div><div>nuff said.</div><div>
<br /></div>.F.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13637117544654678490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9148074873924439217.post-60366577985658173862011-08-31T03:08:00.002+08:002011-08-31T03:11:44.382+08:00loud and proud.<div>
<br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >siapa kata boleh hias bendera dkat kereta and rumah je ?</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >blog pon boleh lahh. ;)</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >selamat hari merdeka MALAYSIA !</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >thank you for everything !</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >sy mmg patriotik sbbb atuk sy dulu askar.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >and without doubt,, IM PROUD TO BE A MALAYSIAN.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" >yeay.</span></div><div>
<br /></div><div>
<br /></div><div>
<br /></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmIrdFHW90_fbaQ1PctD6v7LIlRNI2vW2OhFbweE_vNGrfXWXcl6gc5l0YfQnaXWuHFqkm7okXIWok7FKTfB9cQ066ctU4UNCDfVYcCxw_nEYiSFQHNxx2UAcA8xBnvsuphSF7P_wi3fXB/s1600/malaysia-flag-upsidedown.jpeg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 108px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmIrdFHW90_fbaQ1PctD6v7LIlRNI2vW2OhFbweE_vNGrfXWXcl6gc5l0YfQnaXWuHFqkm7okXIWok7FKTfB9cQ066ctU4UNCDfVYcCxw_nEYiSFQHNxx2UAcA8xBnvsuphSF7P_wi3fXB/s200/malaysia-flag-upsidedown.jpeg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5646728162963457090" /></a>
<br />.F.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13637117544654678490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9148074873924439217.post-30035834277512207042011-08-31T02:48:00.003+08:002011-08-31T03:02:20.621+08:00hello syawal !<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghtriqRn-tyK1Ih9g1zHxNgRMfH26lUnndvXjg2NnAb1gBCibjyM_Gklvu7FWHyfBkRECsl1qgddiywJblV1U1sPra0zuoD5rCS21Kc34CWXvDmTE0WCiACvfb2DSd1D1wve_xOG7Uet7Z/s1600/aidilfitri1.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 199px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghtriqRn-tyK1Ih9g1zHxNgRMfH26lUnndvXjg2NnAb1gBCibjyM_Gklvu7FWHyfBkRECsl1qgddiywJblV1U1sPra0zuoD5rCS21Kc34CWXvDmTE0WCiACvfb2DSd1D1wve_xOG7Uet7Z/s200/aidilfitri1.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5646726349643291490" /></a>
<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" ><u>
<br /></u></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span">A<span class="Apple-style-span">FTER ALL THAT'S BEEN SAID AND DONE,,</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span">IT'S GOOD TO KNOW THAT THERE'S RAYA.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b>where you know all would be forgiven.</b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span"><b><i>MAAF ZAHIR BATIN.</i></b></span></div>.F.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13637117544654678490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9148074873924439217.post-33123197978327541632011-08-26T03:44:00.002+08:002011-08-26T03:47:00.292+08:000347 am.have you ever got that feeling of you've tried you very best,,<div>but you just cant seem to live up to someone's expectation ?</div><div>
<br /></div><div>it's tiring right.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>it even hurt more when you cant do anything about it.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>gahhhhh ! *tertekan. !</div>.F.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13637117544654678490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9148074873924439217.post-21759855920306546022011-08-16T04:09:00.004+08:002011-08-16T05:30:30.593+08:00time to burn.oh my oh my oh my !<div>where do i start. fuhhhhhhhhh. *deep breath*</div><div>
<br /></div><div>lemme quote first,,</div><div>" <b>your misery is my happiness</b> " - yours truly.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>ooookkkaaayyyyyy. here we go.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>so i stalked her page.</div><div>meen's. using my bro's account. (since i've blocked her)</div><div>idk,, i just got the inkling to stalk tonight. pfft.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>first off,, lemme make things clear.</div><div>some of u guys yg baca nie maybe akan terfikir,,</div><div>"farah nie terok lah. asal dy tak move on move on lagi ?"</div><div>"kenape msty suka bila tgok org laen sedih." "kenapa nak stalk ex yg dah lama break"</div><div>"kalao dah block,, kenapa nak amek tao lagi ?" "kenapa nak jaga tepi kain org ?"</div><div>okay,, jawapan utk semua persoalan korg :</div><div>i have all the fuckin' right to be angry and mad at her.</div><div>after all i gave up.</div><div>brape liter alcohol aku teguk sbb dy.</div><div>brape bnyk ganja aku dah amek sbb dy.</div><div>brape bnyk rokok aku dah hisap sampai sakit dada.</div><div>brape bnyk kesan toreh dkat tangan sbb dy !</div><div>and future aku yg dah musnah sbb dy,, aku quit uitm sbb dy !</div><div>kalao tak dah kerja by now dgan diploma tu !</div><div>wasted two fucking years of my life living in lies just to be betrayed in the end.</div><div>so yess,, i have ALL THE FUCKIN' RIGHTS to be mad at her forever.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>so,, bukak page dy tdy.</div><div>i was stunned.</div><div>dy dah break dgan gf dy ?!</div><div>appearently,, that girl left her for someone else.</div><div>and all her updated status was about how she's hurting,, how she could turn back time. and bla bla bla.</div><div>ex : </div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><div class="actorName actorDescription" ft="{"type":2}" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px; padding-bottom: 3px; font-weight: bold; "><a href="http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000568177783" hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/user.php?id=100000568177783" style="cursor: pointer; color: rgb(59, 89, 152); text-decoration: none; ">Syark Pkimak Sial</a></div><div class="actorName actorDescription" ft="{"type":2}" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px; padding-bottom: 3px; font-weight: bold; ">
<br /></div><div class="actorName actorDescription" ft="{"type":2}" style="padding-bottom: 3px; "><div class="actorName actorDescription" ft="{"type":2}" style="padding-bottom: 3px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;">Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck</span></span></div><div class="actorName actorDescription" ft="{"type":2}" style="padding-bottom: 3px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;">Die dah jatuh jati kat org Lain</span></span></div><div class="actorName actorDescription" ft="{"type":2}" style="padding-bottom: 3px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;">Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck</span></span></div><div class="actorName actorDescription" ft="{"type":2}" style="padding-bottom: 3px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;">Sumpah sakit nye hati aku</span></span></div><div class="actorName actorDescription" ft="{"type":2}" style="padding-bottom: 3px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;">Sedih nye aku skang nih</span></span></div><div class="actorName actorDescription" ft="{"type":2}" style="padding-bottom: 3px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;">Cepat nye die jumpe org Lain.</span></span></div><div class="actorName actorDescription" ft="{"type":2}" style="padding-bottom: 3px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;">Fuck fuck fuck fuck</span></span></div><div class="actorName actorDescription" ft="{"type":2}" style="padding-bottom: 3px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;">Aku xLeh handLe nih smua.</span></span></div><div class="actorName actorDescription" ft="{"type":2}" style="padding-bottom: 3px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;">Mmg aku nk die happy</span></span></div><div class="actorName actorDescription" ft="{"type":2}" style="padding-bottom: 3px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;">Tp.........</span></span></div><div class="actorName actorDescription" ft="{"type":2}" style="padding-bottom: 3px; "><span class="Apple-style-span" ><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px; line-height: 14px;">Oh fuck skt nye hati aku!!!!!!!!!!</span></span></div></div></span></div><div>huhhhhh.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>i wish she'd read this : RASE LAH ! its your fuckin' turn.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>theres one status she wrote bout why her ex's always took so lil time to move on and find a new one.</div><div>the question is how can you do that to some of ur ex's without even realizing it !</div><div>
<br /></div><div>AAHHHH ! aku benci kao sampai mati !</div><div>
<br /></div><div>perlu ke wey,, kao dah single,, kao nak buat list of you dreamgirl ?</div><div>ini di copy okay.</div><div><span class="Apple-style-span">
<br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span">1. Lawa, hot, chun, chanteq dr ex2 aku sbeLum nih</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span">2. Hati nya baik xterkata (aku dgiL pun die xkn marah sgt kat aku)</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span">3. Jiwa innocent (so aku bLeyh ajar die cara aku coupLe cmner)</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span">4. Setia xhabis2 (nk pandang penk Lain pun xkn ade sLera)</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span">5. Sentiasa sggup bkorban dmi aku (sggup dtg jumpe aku dr jaoh)</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span">6. Penting kn aku dr kwn2 die (mase diorg Lepak rmai2 pun die akan sentiasa SMS aku)</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span">7. Sggup jujur & ikhLas dgn aku pasaL ape2 je (hari2 die akan bgtau aku pasaL ape jd dLm hidup die, xkira penting ke x die akan crite gak)</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span">8. Reti buat suara manja yg bLeyh buat aku cair giLa (die kene buat dgn aku sorg je!)</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span">9. Memahami situasi aku (cbe phm prob2 aku yg aku kene hadap)</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span">10. Xkn berkira pasaL duit dgn aku (sbb aku mmg xkn bkira pasaL duit dgn coupLe aku)</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span">11. Dengar ckp (aku Larang ape2 pun, die mesti ikut ckp aku, mLain kn die ade sbb yg munasabah)</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span">12. Bukan jnis yg suke m'gataL (so that aku xkn ragu2 nk bawak die jumpe & knaL2 dgn geng2 aku)</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span">13. xde pLan utk bkahwin Lgsung dgn Laki</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span">14. Bukan bisex, xpnah coupLe dgn Laki, xpnah jd Lessy</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span">15. KaLau aku xde, die akan jarang kLua g memane</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span">16. KaLau die kLua pun, die xkn pkai sexy2</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span">17. Sggup brumahtangga dgn aku, stay satu rumah ape sme</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span">18. Umur Lingkungan 18-23</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span">19. Sudi share sgaLa masaLah die dgn aku</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span">20. Sggup hadap aku & bersabar biLa aku tgh bad mood giLe babi</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; "> </p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; "><span class="Apple-style-span">KaLu korg knaL ade sesape yg AT LEAST ade 15 ciri2 drpd List atas nih pun dah ckup bgus Lah...siLa knaL kn kat sy yer...huhu</span></p><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; ">
<br /></p></span><div>urghhhh. perlu ke dohh ?</div><div>kao ingt tak mcm mane kao buat aku dulu ?</div><div>luka dkat dalam hati kao tao tak !</div><div>aku sygg kao gila babi,, korban sume bnd. </div><div>and what did you do. went behind my back and fuck that bitch.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>so now,, aku nak tny. sakit tak kne tinggal ?</div><div>sakit tak kena maen ? sakit tak bila kao tao dy ada org laen ?</div><div>sakit tak sygg dy selama nie. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>tu pon kao couple dgan dy like what ? 5-6 bulan ?</div><div>fuck,, i was with you for two fuckin years.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>bila aku sembahyang,, aku doa supaya hati aku tak busuk. tak sakit hati dgan kebahgiaan org laen,, tak bahagia dgan kedukaan org laen.</div><div>tapi tak boleh dgan kao.</div><div>maybe sbb sakit sgt dulu smp aku takkan maafkan kao sampai aku mati.</div><div>forgiving bukan bnd yang senang. tak semua org boleh buat.</div><div>hny org yang hati ikhlas and mulia je mampu.</div><div>aku belum dikurniakan keikhlasan tu lagi.</div><div>so im sorry. im sorry i cant forgive you.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>and how i want you to know,,</div><div>my life turned 360 degrees after we broke up. </div><div>i've got arm and she's a million times better lover than you.</div><div>what i love most about her is the influence she brought into my life.</div><div>ikhlasnya dy dgan aku nampak gila smp mama boleh terima dy.</div><div>and they get along GREAT !</div><div>
<br /></div><div>i love her and she loves me.</div><div>kao takkan dapat semua nie. kao takkan happy mcm aku skrg nie.</div><div>i believe in karma and i always will.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>aku kejam ? aku terlalu sadis ? aku jahat ?</div><div>go ahead say it.</div><div>I DONT GIVE A FUCK.</div><div>i'll go to sleep with satisfaction tonight. =)</div><div>
<br /></div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; line-height: 16px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); "><p style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; font-size: 11px; line-height: 1.5em; ">
<br /></p></span></div><div>
<br /></div><div>
<br /></div>.F.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13637117544654678490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9148074873924439217.post-13502752866236811262011-08-14T02:58:00.002+08:002011-08-14T03:59:42.989+08:00stripes of life.i've been thinking bout what to write in my blog.<div>there are so many things to let out,, but when i start typing,,</div><div>i dont feel its proper. for example,, my last post titled 'steady as she goes'</div><div>which i removed because it was stupid.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>so,, what do i write ?</div><div>
<br /></div><div>should i write about how i miss her ? (as if its not obvious enough.)</div><div>should i write about my 'excitement' of the upcoming raya ? (joy,, as if im excited at all)</div><div>about meen ? (she's so dead to me)</div><div>friends ? (nothing to say)</div><div>damn,, life can be a bore sometimes ! urghhhh !</div><div>
<br /></div><div>gotta admit,, having mood swings like crazy lately.</div><div>one thing not to love about being a girl. pfft.</div><div>like it or not. we will have mood swings that could make everyone annoyed.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>in the end you'll be alone for a while before they come back to you.</div><div>cant blame anyone else but you.</div><div>
<br /></div><div>*sighs. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>note to self : in desperate need of temper control. hurm.</div>.F.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13637117544654678490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9148074873924439217.post-21810440647347167332011-07-31T02:33:00.002+08:002011-07-31T02:49:06.146+08:00N K asmoni.<span class="Apple-style-span" >was watching confessions of a shoppaholic on the tv just now.</span><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >i know its supposed to be about how a girl saves her self from spending too much on shopping.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >but towards the ending,, there's this scene about rebecca (the main character) and her bestfriend</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >hugging at her bestfriend's wedding,, over one stupid dress.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >believe it or not,, that scene brought tears to my eyes.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >all of the sudden im reminded of nina.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >how she helped me through my nightmares.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >and how we fought over some stupid past.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >the thing is right now,, both of us has this huge load of ego in us.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >she expects me to apologize.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >and i wouldn't do it for the third time. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >is it not enought for two times in a row already.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >ohh nin,,</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >i wishyou'd just stop the dramma.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >you and i know that it is nothing anymore.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >why should i take the blame of something three people did together.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >how could you forgave rezal and not me ?</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >and how could you twist things up when you're telling nawal your side of the story.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >i think nawal would agree with me when we say that you're a bit f a drama queen.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >life is like a sad latin drama for you.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >nonetheless nin,, we do LOVE YOU !</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >i still live you. and god knows how much i miss you.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >to hang with nawal and not you ?</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >feels like im missing an empty piece.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >we're suppose to be a fuckin tripod.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >i want to be there for you.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >i know you're going through tough times right now.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >but wtf do expect me to do ?</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >kao nak aku dtg rumah kao pujuk kao sorg2 ?</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >be realistic. mama aku pon aku tak buat cmtu.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >i wish you'd just stop faking.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >i wish we'd be okay soon.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >before this feeling of missing you </span><span class="Apple-style-span" >transforms itself to being hating you. </span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" ><br /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >aku rindu kawan aku.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >aku rindu NINNAH KAMILAH ASMONI.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >tapi aku takkan buang ego aku untuk kali ke tiga.</span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" >its your turn,,babe.</span></div><div></div>.F.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13637117544654678490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9148074873924439217.post-30293035717700437872011-07-29T01:28:00.000+08:002011-07-29T01:29:04.820+08:00football fever.okay. semua org tgah bz tgok bola.<div>si bubu nie lagi takbley blah.</div><div>tak kelip mata langsung !</div><div><br /></div><div>meanwhile. what am i doing ?</div><div>starving,, waiting for dominoes to deliver my pizza.</div><div>pfft.</div><div><br /></div><div>30 mins delivery la sgt. dah half time nie. </div><div>tak sampai2 lagi.</div><div>kalao delivery man tu tgok bola jugak mmg aku sepak2 kjap lagi.</div><div>lapa kotttt.</div><div><br /></div>.F.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13637117544654678490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9148074873924439217.post-13112676816762428652011-07-26T17:59:00.006+08:002011-07-26T18:21:44.605+08:00light it up !i looked at other people's blog.<br />they managed to get it to be so damn <span class="Apple-style-span" >interesting.</span><br />i looked at my own blog. DAMN. its boring.<br />filled with words,, yes. <span class="Apple-style-span" ><b>but i cant imagine who reads it !</b></span><br /><br />i used to think that the simpler it is,, the better.<br />now i think its too plain. too dull.<br /><br />i need more pictures. <span class="Apple-style-span" >more colors.</span><br />there are some pictures,, yes. but not much.<br /><br />and i realized that i dont have any pictures of me and <span class="Apple-style-span" >EKA SHAH.</span><br />my only faithful subscriber ( i think ).<br />HAHA !<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh81pjZXQxrFRLTgmot7I1dbvtxs_3g8MuoaBlG4WMZ5oRc_nRrmngcJM3_cXaBtQZdf0iJYnNnj7KwD-PM8uBobaryHIBOr7kveTNcwmLzMOBAu7aXEScA0zGYwyUoaZpEpjoO_ZmX4HR2/s1600/SPM_A0861.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh81pjZXQxrFRLTgmot7I1dbvtxs_3g8MuoaBlG4WMZ5oRc_nRrmngcJM3_cXaBtQZdf0iJYnNnj7KwD-PM8uBobaryHIBOr7kveTNcwmLzMOBAu7aXEScA0zGYwyUoaZpEpjoO_ZmX4HR2/s200/SPM_A0861.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5633600049329054002" /></a><br /><br />imy la weyh ! hope dapat buka puasa same2 nty okay !<br /><br />remember this one ? haha. <span class="Apple-style-span" >my fav picture of us.</span> thank you for being you,,friend !<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi7Eq-ig6o-5vzySlWNiAzl178hAmKZ7jCSzFPJDVFyrmoYYnVjPuZZALSVN1HNRBaH45_RL-VYKCpG8UOoFiYO3tqhR3ZuzZkUsnkUWUWT_i_XZgOc3BVb4BrsnZf3ZR7KbeWM5hdg_Ox/s1600/DSC04482.JPG" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 150px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhi7Eq-ig6o-5vzySlWNiAzl178hAmKZ7jCSzFPJDVFyrmoYYnVjPuZZALSVN1HNRBaH45_RL-VYKCpG8UOoFiYO3tqhR3ZuzZkUsnkUWUWT_i_XZgOc3BVb4BrsnZf3ZR7KbeWM5hdg_Ox/s200/DSC04482.JPG" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5633600453012840498" /></a>.F.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13637117544654678490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9148074873924439217.post-35371586517232076612011-07-18T03:38:00.003+08:002011-07-18T03:49:50.432+08:00a simple love letter.ohh hari yang sangat memenatkan.<br /><br />went back to jb 2 weeks in a row.<br />stayed up till 3 am finishing my report.<br />*sighs.<br />susah betol groupmate dgan foreigner nie.<br />mamat pakistan nie. dy pk dy bagos. <br />nak jd leader sgt. but tak tao nak lead.<br />i officially declare that i hate him !<br />whatever,, malas nak bukak citer. nty panjang lebar plak.<br /><br />for now,, i just want to dedicate this post to my dearest bubu.<br />saiatulakma,,<br />u have been there for me ALWAYS.<br />i will NEVER forget the things u have done for me.<br />what u have sacrificed.<br />eve sy buat assgnment nie pon awk teman sy smp tertido.<br />haha. comel sgt.<br />i want u to know that i appreciate u and everything u had done.<br />i love you.<br /><br />ILOVEYOU !<br /><br />haihhhh. <span style="font-weight:bold;">I LOVE YOU</span> and i can never get tired of saying it.<br /><br />thank you sygg. thank u for coming into my life.<br />u mean the world to me.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvWtjhKiidFDwUyPBpV_4FE2roinElJZ7zJcqyhucdB-ASqJEfd_Wh18N-U7c_HrNWOmDE-TfMsxDvBuC_1o62GZUsPXaqiZXHmOrksl01PfkR8-IQrODVtyg5L-XwqDOD7Z10cqQKAQyy/s1600/IMG01129-20110706-2114.jpg"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvWtjhKiidFDwUyPBpV_4FE2roinElJZ7zJcqyhucdB-ASqJEfd_Wh18N-U7c_HrNWOmDE-TfMsxDvBuC_1o62GZUsPXaqiZXHmOrksl01PfkR8-IQrODVtyg5L-XwqDOD7Z10cqQKAQyy/s200/IMG01129-20110706-2114.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5630410453881959794" /></a><br /><br />sgt ngntok and akan update laen kali yea.<br />ohh btw,, good luck on ur first day esok,, bie. :*.F.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13637117544654678490noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9148074873924439217.post-75426565239167441502011-06-19T12:11:00.007+08:002011-06-19T12:56:10.482+08:00lets get on the darker side,, shall we ? =)she cut more and more
<br />her arm was now full of lines
<br />her artistic way of doing with
<br />instead of complaints and whine.
<br />
<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOQu1kFpL5L3s4PgtdV-wDiOBYiPPyABKxLV5h2Fn4DqHU4BPmiAwWbAVRvjhdKeABaODt1268acLyk1sTqvOp9lzqpXEeA-zLQa8GyQH7dHhc4_LvwWt_uzt_krHOB5z-nJebr7-71jOT/s1600/wrist-slit.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 138px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOQu1kFpL5L3s4PgtdV-wDiOBYiPPyABKxLV5h2Fn4DqHU4BPmiAwWbAVRvjhdKeABaODt1268acLyk1sTqvOp9lzqpXEeA-zLQa8GyQH7dHhc4_LvwWt_uzt_krHOB5z-nJebr7-71jOT/s200/wrist-slit.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5619783681247697010" /></a>
<br />
<br />
<br />what'd you expect? a perfect child ?
<br />with pretty scars all over my wrists,,
<br />im sorry. i didnt mean to hurt you.
<br />
<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwCi0Jk9GwpYCPO-Yzy3TlUeZbMSEzm3mCWBbx5_w2hGt49kliPi_5SkRpp8ryj92l52iLWGQpafYpxinKhDjzjbpfyGOmN_rb9cTJEe5AIiS6wNOEAhmAhyyOEHSEb88z5u6fqJP38kFF/s1600/emo29.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 54px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwCi0Jk9GwpYCPO-Yzy3TlUeZbMSEzm3mCWBbx5_w2hGt49kliPi_5SkRpp8ryj92l52iLWGQpafYpxinKhDjzjbpfyGOmN_rb9cTJEe5AIiS6wNOEAhmAhyyOEHSEb88z5u6fqJP38kFF/s200/emo29.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5619783353751088610" /></a>
<br />
<br />
<br />TWISTED HUH ?
<br />love,, some people,, when they're under a pressure that they THINK they cant handle,, they tend to lose control.
<br />of everything. their minds,, their body,, their soul.
<br />they'll scream,, cry,, laugh. they just cant cope with it.
<br />but they'll be okay.
<br />i'll be okay. =)
<br />just something i found that maybe i should share.
<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">BUT PLEASE TAKE THIS AS A WARNING. NOT A GUIDELINE !</span>
<br />i myself gets the shivers from writing this.
<br />whoever wrote this must be pretty fucked up. somehow,, he/she has a point.
<br />
<br /><blockquote></blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">Warning;;
<br />
<br />Before you make that first cut, remember--
<br />You will find the blood and pain release addictive.
<br />Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren't deep and will heal easily--
<br />They will get deeper.
<br />They will scar.
<br />They will take sometimes months to heal.
<br />And years for the scars to fade.
<br />If you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body think again.
<br />It will spread when you run out of skin.
<br />Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame.
<br />Even if you are the most honest person ever to live--
<br />You will find yourself lying to the people you love.
<br />You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison.
<br />You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth of your shirt or because it just plain hurts so much to be touched.
<br />Be prepared to get so out of control you fear your next cut because you don't know how bad it will be.
<br />Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100.
<br />Be prepared for your entire life to revolve around thinking about cutting--
<br />Cutting and covering up cutting.
<br />And just wait till that first time you cut "too deep."
<br />And you freak out because the blood won't stop...
<br />And you are gasping...
<br />And you feel yourself shaking all over.
<br />You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can`t tell anyone.
<br />So you sit there alone...
<br />Praying it will be okay--
<br />Swearing you'll never let it go this far again...
<br />But you will, and further....
<br />Don't worry, you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that you can go deeper and deeper and avoid the ER.
<br />And the better you get at treating your cuts,
<br />The deeper they get.
<br />You will lie to yourself and justify it when you find youself spending 20, 30, or 50 dollars every time you go the pharmacy.
<br />You will feel the flutter of your heartbeat everytime you go to the counter to ring up your order.
<br />Butterfly strips--
<br />3 or 4 different kinds of dressings...
<br />Betadine...
<br />Antibiotic cream...
<br />Medical tape...
<br />Scar reducers...
<br />You will tap your foot impatiently hoping the line will just move and noone will stare at you or wonder why you need all these things.
<br />And at the same time secretly hope someone will notice--
<br />Someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same supplies.
<br />Someone who understands--
<br />But of course that never happens.
<br />Medical supplies won't be the only thing you spend all your money on.
<br />Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe--
<br />Longsleeve shirts in summer colors, bracelets, wristbands, boots...
<br />The list goes on and on.
<br />You will start looking at everyone in a different way.
<br />Scanning their bodies for any signs of SI.
<br />Just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don't feel so terribly alone.
<br />You wont even think about it,
<br />As your eyes scan their wrists arms.
<br />Hoping, just hoping they will be like you.
<br />But they are not.
<br />You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone.
<br />You will start doing a lot of things alone.
<br />You will always have to wash your laundry in private so no one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels.
<br />You will always be cleaning up the blood.
<br />Scrubbing your bathroom floor.
<br />Wiping the blood off your keyboard.
<br />You won't be able to make it through a day without cutting.
<br />Next thing you know you are in a public bathroom somewhere breaking open a scab with a sewing needle that you keep in your wallet for emergencies.
<br />When you get really desperate,
<br />Anything will be a cutting tool...
<br />Scissors...a car key...a needle...a paperclip...even a pen.
<br />Doesn't matter what it is if you need to cut bad enough you will find something.
<br />Say goodbye to things you took for granted.
<br />Like wearing shorts or sandals...pedicures...sleeveless tops.
<br />A normal summer day at the beach or in a swimming pool will become a far off memory for you.
<br />Get ready to itch.
<br />Because you will itch and itch.
<br />So much you will look like you have fleas or a skin disease.
<br />You will become an expert on your body as you destroy it carefully.
<br />You will dream about cutting.
<br />You will dream about being exposed.
<br />It will haunt you day and night and take over your life.
<br />You will wish you never made that first cut because while you absolutely hate cutting--
<br />At the same time you love it and can not live without
<br />
<br /> -x-<blockquote></blockquote>
<br />
<br />from http://let-me-exist-as-i-am.tripod.com/id12.html
<br />
<br />
<br />that's that then.
<br />
<br /> .F.http://www.blogger.com/profile/13637117544654678490noreply@blogger.com0