that mother'F'er.

fuck off.
ohh,, just fuck it.
where do i even begin?!

she cheated.
she fucking cheated.

we were together,, and she was actually fucking around with another bitch.
rena.
yea,, that's her name.

meen+rena.
fucking sweet and cute aint it.

aite,, i know,, they've been messaging.
meen did that because she wants to get even with me,, because i was messaging muff.
owkay,,
fine,, cool with me.

but then,, she said she had stopped.
she said that she passed rena to my friend,, zett.

fuck off.

bullshit.
she got jelous when rena started calling zett 'syg' and all.
(yess,, agree with me when i say that rena is such a cheap bitch).

she took her back.
owkay,, from then on,, everything they did was behind my back.

the best part of the story is,,
rena actually came to melacca to see her.
and i was at home,, thinking that she really went to class.
aww,, rajen nye meen g class. im so fucking proud of her.
darn.

when the truth is that,, she took her to zett's room (in the campus) and fucks her there.
she actually spent the nite there.
cn u fucking believe it?!

that was the first time they met.
the second time was 9yess,, there was a second time)
when i went back to jB.
meen said that she was going to go to her dad's.
in putrajaya.
aww. such a good daughter.

that's when zett decided to tell me.
everything.
her exact words was
"i dont think u're worth lying to,, farah".
so she spilled it out.

i,, stupidly broke down and cry.
i was by the beach that time.
swear to god,, i thought bout suicides a lot that nite.

felt like my heart was torn into a million pieces.
felt like i was stabbed.
over and over again.

to be continued.

finding back the spark.

hey youu.
latest update.
myself and meen got back together recently.

i think we've finally found back our spark of fire of our love.
i got over muff.
i think i do.

im crazy bout meen again.
she's the only one in the world whom i think really understands me.
above all,, she's the one who stood with me.
accepting my flaws.
loving me unconditionally.

yess,, we had our share of bad days in our relationship,,
but in the end,, we cant live without each other.

she treats me like a queen,, even after what i did to her.
how can anyone do that?

and as far as my studies.
im planning to do something bout it.
fix back what i destroyed.
i'm gonna get my life back.

the old farah is will be arriving soon.
hopefully.

thank you to those who helped me out.
when i was feeling down,,
ever so down.
when i was just about to give up on life.
there u were.
standing right beside me,,
pushing me,, in ur own unique way.

i'm gonna turn my life around.
everything will be owkay.

thank u God.

u shed some lights when everything was so dark.
even to a person like myself.
doing everything that im not suppose to.

im grateful.
Alhamdulillah.

wish me luck on brighting my future,, y'all!
X)

xoxo,, .F.

fuck life.

hello again.
yet another frustrating day.
had an arguement with mama.
well,, wouldnt call it an arguement,,
more like being scholded by her.

i told her i dont want to study anymore.
she freaked out.

wtf,, the truth is that i just have no intrest in studying anymore.
its all just too tiring.
my studies are dropping every sem.
i cant seem to be concerntrating in classes anymore.
i skipped a lot,,
and i mean a whole lot if classes this sem.

i would assume that all my lecturers are fed up wih me and my attitude.
whatmore can i say.
i just dont want to study anymore.

i need a fucking break laa.
yess,, im lazy.
so what.
i cant handle myself anymore.
i do things that i shouldnt be doing in the first place.
off lately,, i always manage to get myself into trouble.

wtf is wrong with this picture.
its like im changing into a whole different person.
i dont fucking know who i am anymore.
whats worst is that im not sure if i like the person i've become or not.

i've turn into this wild, crazy, outgoing, flirtatious, daring, angry, cold-hearted person.
it feels good at times, i have to admitt.
but why the hell do i feel that my life is falling apart.

my love-life broke into a million pieces,, because i just couldnt stop flirting.
my studies drop because i just dont care bout my future anymore.
my family is breaking apart.
my friends obviously dont like whom i've become.

fuck everything.
owh yea,, i sure curse a damn lot these days.
why the fuck is that.

damn the world.
deep inside me,, i know that this is just one of the phase that i have to go through.

but how long will it takes.
i know i've hurt a lot of people lately.
im sorry.
im sorry that i've changed.

its hard for me to change back.
once u've tasted paradise,, it's hard to let go.

im praying to you, God.
please,,
give me back my life.
please make me strong.
to face all these.

i dont fucking know how much longer i can hold on.

*sighing every single second of the fucking day.

fuck love.

these last cople of months had been fucking exhausting.
too much trouble.
too much drama.
im just so fucking tired.

i was in love with my partner meen,,
and we've been together for more than a year.
then,, all of the sudden,, the love was gone.
i still care for ther, yess, no doubt.
but i kinda have a thing for this someone.
lets refer her as muf.

yea,, i have a crush on her.
but im not expecting anything more than to e friends with her.
obviously i wasnt willing to let meen go.
but she couldnt handle it.
she was too jelous.

and meen is the type who keeps it all inside,,
so one day,,
she exploded and just lost her control.
she did things i couldnt imagine she would do.
she embarresed me in public.
and i dont know if i'll eer forgive her fo that.

so then,, i turn to muf for comfort.
and she was there for me
she had always been.

i tried to patch things up with meen.
i really did.
somehow,, its just not looking so good.
yet.

ohh, just fuck it.

so,, muff.
i thought about her all the time.
it feels like way back in highschool,,
when i had a crush on some one.
yea,, something like that.

so basically,, its like this.

i love meen.
but i like muff.
and every day feels like im loving her more and more.
idk,, is it really love.
i think its more to care.
yeahh,,
i care bout her more and more.

darn it.
wtf is going to happen?
idk.
we'll just hv to wait and see.