N K asmoni.

was watching confessions of a shoppaholic on the tv just now.

i know its supposed to be about how a girl saves her self from spending too much on shopping.

but towards the ending,, there's this scene about rebecca (the main character) and her bestfriend

hugging at her bestfriend's wedding,, over one stupid dress.

believe it or not,, that scene brought tears to my eyes.

all of the sudden im reminded of nina.

how she helped me through my nightmares.

and how we fought over some stupid past.

the thing is right now,, both of us has this huge load of ego in us.

she expects me to apologize.

and i wouldn't do it for the third time.

is it not enought for two times in a row already.

ohh nin,,

i wishyou'd just stop the dramma.

you and i know that it is nothing anymore.

why should i take the blame of something three people did together.

how could you forgave rezal and not me ?

and how could you twist things up when you're telling nawal your side of the story.

i think nawal would agree with me when we say that you're a bit f a drama queen.

life is like a sad latin drama for you.

nonetheless nin,, we do LOVE YOU !

i still live you. and god knows how much i miss you.

to hang with nawal and not you ?

feels like im missing an empty piece.

we're suppose to be a fuckin tripod.

i want to be there for you.

i know you're going through tough times right now.

but wtf do expect me to do ?

kao nak aku dtg rumah kao pujuk kao sorg2 ?

be realistic. mama aku pon aku tak buat cmtu.

i wish you'd just stop faking.

i wish we'd be okay soon.

before this feeling of missing you transforms itself to being hating you.

aku rindu kawan aku.

aku rindu NINNAH KAMILAH ASMONI.

tapi aku takkan buang ego aku untuk kali ke tiga.

its your turn,,babe.

football fever.

okay. semua org tgah bz tgok bola.

si bubu nie lagi takbley blah.

tak kelip mata langsung !

meanwhile. what am i doing ?

starving,, waiting for dominoes to deliver my pizza.

pfft.

30 mins delivery la sgt. dah half time nie.

tak sampai2 lagi.

kalao delivery man tu tgok bola jugak mmg aku sepak2 kjap lagi.

lapa kotttt.

light it up !

i looked at other people's blog.
they managed to get it to be so damn interesting.
i looked at my own blog. DAMN. its boring.
filled with words,, yes. but i cant imagine who reads it !

i used to think that the simpler it is,, the better.
now i think its too plain. too dull.

i need more pictures. more colors.
there are some pictures,, yes. but not much.

and i realized that i dont have any pictures of me and EKA SHAH.
my only faithful subscriber ( i think ).
HAHA !



imy la weyh ! hope dapat buka puasa same2 nty okay !

remember this one ? haha. my fav picture of us. thank you for being you,,friend !

a simple love letter.

ohh hari yang sangat memenatkan.

went back to jb 2 weeks in a row.
stayed up till 3 am finishing my report.
*sighs.
susah betol groupmate dgan foreigner nie.
mamat pakistan nie. dy pk dy bagos.
nak jd leader sgt. but tak tao nak lead.
i officially declare that i hate him !
whatever,, malas nak bukak citer. nty panjang lebar plak.

for now,, i just want to dedicate this post to my dearest bubu.
saiatulakma,,
u have been there for me ALWAYS.
i will NEVER forget the things u have done for me.
what u have sacrificed.
eve sy buat assgnment nie pon awk teman sy smp tertido.
haha. comel sgt.
i want u to know that i appreciate u and everything u had done.
i love you.

ILOVEYOU !

haihhhh. I LOVE YOU and i can never get tired of saying it.

thank you sygg. thank u for coming into my life.
u mean the world to me.



sgt ngntok and akan update laen kali yea.
ohh btw,, good luck on ur first day esok,, bie. :*

lets get on the darker side,, shall we ? =)

she cut more and more
her arm was now full of lines
her artistic way of doing with
instead of complaints and whine.




what'd you expect? a perfect child ?
with pretty scars all over my wrists,,
im sorry. i didnt mean to hurt you.




TWISTED HUH ?
love,, some people,, when they're under a pressure that they THINK they cant handle,, they tend to lose control.
of everything. their minds,, their body,, their soul.
they'll scream,, cry,, laugh. they just cant cope with it.
but they'll be okay.
i'll be okay. =)
just something i found that maybe i should share.
BUT PLEASE TAKE THIS AS A WARNING. NOT A GUIDELINE !
i myself gets the shivers from writing this.
whoever wrote this must be pretty fucked up. somehow,, he/she has a point.

Warning;;

Before you make that first cut, remember--
You will find the blood and pain release addictive.
Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren't deep and will heal easily--
They will get deeper.
They will scar.
They will take sometimes months to heal.
And years for the scars to fade.
If you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body think again.
It will spread when you run out of skin.
Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame.
Even if you are the most honest person ever to live--
You will find yourself lying to the people you love.
You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison.
You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth of your shirt or because it just plain hurts so much to be touched.
Be prepared to get so out of control you fear your next cut because you don't know how bad it will be.
Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100.
Be prepared for your entire life to revolve around thinking about cutting--
Cutting and covering up cutting.
And just wait till that first time you cut "too deep."
And you freak out because the blood won't stop...
And you are gasping...
And you feel yourself shaking all over.
You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can`t tell anyone.
So you sit there alone...
Praying it will be okay--
Swearing you'll never let it go this far again...
But you will, and further....
Don't worry, you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that you can go deeper and deeper and avoid the ER.
And the better you get at treating your cuts,
The deeper they get.
You will lie to yourself and justify it when you find youself spending 20, 30, or 50 dollars every time you go the pharmacy.
You will feel the flutter of your heartbeat everytime you go to the counter to ring up your order.
Butterfly strips--
3 or 4 different kinds of dressings...
Betadine...
Antibiotic cream...
Medical tape...
Scar reducers...
You will tap your foot impatiently hoping the line will just move and noone will stare at you or wonder why you need all these things.
And at the same time secretly hope someone will notice--
Someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same supplies.
Someone who understands--
But of course that never happens.
Medical supplies won't be the only thing you spend all your money on.
Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe--
Longsleeve shirts in summer colors, bracelets, wristbands, boots...
The list goes on and on.
You will start looking at everyone in a different way.
Scanning their bodies for any signs of SI.
Just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don't feel so terribly alone.
You wont even think about it,
As your eyes scan their wrists arms.
Hoping, just hoping they will be like you.
But they are not.
You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone.
You will start doing a lot of things alone.
You will always have to wash your laundry in private so no one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels.
You will always be cleaning up the blood.
Scrubbing your bathroom floor.
Wiping the blood off your keyboard.
You won't be able to make it through a day without cutting.
Next thing you know you are in a public bathroom somewhere breaking open a scab with a sewing needle that you keep in your wallet for emergencies.
When you get really desperate,
Anything will be a cutting tool...
Scissors...a car key...a needle...a paperclip...even a pen.
Doesn't matter what it is if you need to cut bad enough you will find something.
Say goodbye to things you took for granted.
Like wearing shorts or sandals...pedicures...sleeveless tops.
A normal summer day at the beach or in a swimming pool will become a far off memory for you.
Get ready to itch.
Because you will itch and itch.
So much you will look like you have fleas or a skin disease.
You will become an expert on your body as you destroy it carefully.
You will dream about cutting.
You will dream about being exposed.
It will haunt you day and night and take over your life.
You will wish you never made that first cut because while you absolutely hate cutting--
At the same time you love it and can not live without

-x-

from http://let-me-exist-as-i-am.tripod.com/id12.html


that's that then.