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Friday, September 17, 2010

pure morning.

got myself a five hour sleep.
seriously,, im quite worried.
not sleeping for days,, and when i sleep,,
its only for a few hours.
my body gets tired.
exhausted,, drained out.
but i cant seem to be getting enough sleep.
something is definitely bothering me.
i just dont know what it is.

as i was just trying to shut my eyes in the afternoon,,
yulie called.
nak dtg beraya.
so yeah,, she and dilla came,,
along with another couple,,
i cant remember their names.
it was fun.

boy,, cant wait to get back to subang !
so many plans had to be canceled.

this is like the first time in sooo long that i feel
excited and cant wait for class to start again.
really. cant wait ! the kitchen should be ready,,
therefore basic cookery class should be starting.
weeeee. ;D

today's topic :
i feel like nagging bout relationship status.
haha. yeahhh. JACKPOT !

well,, frankly.
what is it not to love bout being single ?
you're free,,
nobody control's you.
no commitment.
you can flirt around all you want ! haha.
honestly. i am comfortable being where i am right now.
relationship wise.

but i gotta admit.
i do miss being committed at times.
being loyal.
loving and being loved by only one.
the one. *sighs.

i guess its true,,
once you're burned,, you're not the same.
that was me then.
loyal and committed.
but she fucked me up,,
and i guess i just lost it.
i want to be the old me again.

now im like having this irrational fear of being committed.
in other word,, phobia.
its definitely hard for me to trust again.
a few people came into my life after her.
touched my heart i gotta admit.
but idk.
why is it not working ?
its not them,, i know.
its me.
issues with myself.

fuck it !
i wanna try everything all over again.
i wish my heart would just mend.
i wish that moving on is as simple as abc for me.
but noooo. i had to be sooo hung up on her.
i want to take things seriously again.
i mean,, ive been fooling around a lot lately.
not taking things seriously.
everything !
joking bout stuff. even serious stuff.

maybe i'll just try ?
try to trust.
try relationship.
ive got nothing to lose anyway.
hit the hard bottom,, and you've got nothing to lose.
trust me.