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Saturday, December 11, 2010

joy to the world.

2010 almost reaching its end.
*sighs.
another year has passed ehh ?
look how time flies.
before you know it,, its 2011.
pfft.

did 2010 went well for me ?
it started off awfully.
obviously.
then slowly life's getting better and better.
and im slowly getting on my feet.

from being employed to unemployed.
from a student to doing nothing and then back to being a student.
from a relationship to being single then to another relationship.
lotsa playing by the field.
however those days are gone,, dude.
am fully commited now. =)

finally found love again.
or maybe i've found hope.
i gotta admit. im still having trouble trusting.
but im trying my very best.

so.
whats my plan for new year's eve ?
pfft. i dont even know where imma be.
jB ? kL ? or mlaka ? haha.
idk.
and honestly,, idc.
just as long as . . .
*sigh. forget it.

new year's resolution :

:: quit alci ! well its been a while,, i think it shouldnt be a problem.
:: be a student. and by that i meant attending more class. ngeee.
:: save up moneyyyyy ! this i gotta be serious.
:: go on vacation with bieee. sabah kannn wakkk ? heh.
:: lose weight. (pfft. forget this one. its been here since 10 years ago).
:: slow down on the ciggs. (ditto to this one).
:: slow down on the greens. (bahaha. this is a tough one. by 'greens' i meant *eed).

okay. 7 resolutions.
if i can keep half of these,, it'll be good enough.
;D

anyhow.
amgoing back to kl tmorrow.
spending time with her.
;D
imysm bie.
cant wait to see you.
i never had a chance to say thank you for putting a smile on my face every single day.
i love you.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

twentyone ?

officially 21.
goshhhhhh.

okayyyy. chill,, farah.
21 aint that bad.
kan dah boley ngundi.
mcm mngundi je kannn.
haha.

hard rock,, be prepared. =)

well,, spent the day with my loved ones.
here in jB.
nothing more i could wish for.
it would be better if you were here,, though,, b.
imysm.

next up.
final exam.

JOY !

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

eat. pray. love.

its been a while.
life's been hectic.
to say that i've been busy being a student,,
would be a hell of a lie.
pfft.
but i have been busy.
with stuff.
went to melaka twice last week.
mndy air panas skali.
hantar nard balek skali.

paling best mase hantar nard laa.
last saturday.
lepas kitchen class,, shoo melaka.
then blek kJ,, shoot andarlus plak jmp acap.
fuuuhhhh.
demam teros the next day.
result of being too tired,, or shisha overdosed.
im not sure.
haha.
thank you b sbb jage sy.
and your housemates as well.
especially cika. ;)

today,, here i am in jB.
its raya,, so.
bro's not here though.

since i'll be having one last kitchen class on saturday,,
mama might be sending me tomorrow.
or i'll be going back on my own.
not sure as well.
im starting to realize,,
i am VERY bad in planning stuff.
whatever i plan never works out.
its whatever decided on the very last minute that usually go thru.
dah bnyk kali kne marah dgan arm sbb tuka2 plan.
ngeee. sorry b. awk tao sy mcm mane kan. haha.

damnit3 ! final dah dekat gle.
but tak rase ape2.
sem nie is one of the worst laa.
haishhhh.

whatever it is.
gtg. harry porter premier in a few hours.

B,, sy rndu awk sgt !

xoxo.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

this is me.

tolong jgan ckap aku lupa kawan boley ?
because that's just aint me.
aku susah ke,, aku senang ke.
tak pernah luoa mmber bhai.
kalao org tu bermakne dlam hidop aku,, aku takkan tolak tepi.
that's me.

but if you're the one who forgets about me,, than im sorry.
you called em up,, and said that u needed me.
but honey,, where where you when i needed you ?
dont blame me if i drift away.

my life revolves around my friends,, its true.
at this point of time,, friends are everything to me.
and yess,, i put friends first,, after my family.
i love my friends.
yg nanges same2,, yg ketawa same2.
yg buat bnd2 bodo same2.

but then,,
YOU.
you went away,, because u have someone special in ur life.
and i respect your privacy.
kecik hati pon,, takde laa nak touching,,sygg.
its your life,, i get it.
your style are not as same as mine.

so,, im sorry i cant be there for you when you needed me.
but sy dah tawar hati.
i cherish every moment we spent together.
but,, yeah. what else can i say right.

post nie utk a few people in my life yg pernah rapat.
then korg hilang.
and then cy aku ble bosan and ble ade prob je.
sorry.
sorry if aku tak reply,, tak angkat calls or tak jmpe.

i am me.
love me for me.
okay ? ;D

Monday, November 1, 2010

metamorphosis.

do you think its impossible to turn your life around ?
when what you have now is soooooo good ?
well,, im gonna try.
one of my friends,, made me realize it.
she's young. 18. younger than me.
but i gotta admit,, wiser than me.
much wiser.

she could survive,, living with rm50 per week.
50 hengget bhai. dkat kJ tuu.
mcm mane nak hidop !
im amazed.
really i am.
nak buat mcm tuu jgak.
but not 50 laaa.
mcm impossible. imma do 100 per week.
i'll try.
yg laen simpan. agak2 ckop tak ea ?
almost half of what im spending now.

haihhhh.
dgan rokok lagi naek harga.
FUCKHHHH. i hate budget 2010.
apesal taknak naekkan 50 hengget je sekotak kannnn ! sheesh.
therefore,, dah beli 1 carton siap2 dkat jB nie.
ngeee.

okay.
no more pool after class !
REALLY ! NO MORE !
alaaaa. :(
but that's the price i gotta pay la kann.
well maybe once a week okay kot.
heh.
then,,
takde dah nak berjoli sane sini okay.
imma buy things that i need. only what i NEED.

so,, cume perlu risao topup and makan.
i'll manage,, i think.
lepaq-ing will be reduced to once every 2 days.
SHITTT. ni yg susa. but kne cuba.

NO MORE GETTING STONED !
heh.

the rest for transportation.
okay kot.
haaa. wish me luck ya'll.

spending time here in jB this weekend made me realize.
mama sent me there to study.
that's the main point.
but somehow i drifted.
taknak la ape jd dkat uitm dlu jd blek.
almost bhai.
so,, i gotta do something about it.
im not gonna disappoint her. not again.

imma hit the shower,, then off to bed.
early start tmorrow. nak blek kL pagi.
rabu dah ade quiz,, tak reti2 nak study kann.
smp chap 6 plak.
haha. buku ttgal.

so,, till then.
xoxo.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

nymphetamine.

so here i am.
in jB.
back for the weekend. and i have no kitchen class on teusday,,
so i might as well stay till then.
mcm tak biase skip class kan. haha. so,,
im skipping monday class.
obviously,, since im here,,
didnt get a chance to attend the halloween party.
sheesh.
whatever though. those days are gone.

last year's halloween party was awesome though.
celebrated at purebar. with 'her' of course.
pfft.
this year,, jd budak baek. okay ?
haha. sumpah tak boley blaa.

but yeaaa,, im planning to quit clubbin and drinking.
drinking basicly.
afterall,, i've been sober for five whole months. HURRAH !
=)

slowly laa. slowly getting rid of these bad habbits.
nak stop get stoned plak. ble ntah. soon lahh. kot. kannn ?
haha.
turning 21 soon. gotta turn my life around.
rase mcm dah tua ow.
no more fooling around nie.
epiphony. i think i got an epihony. ;)
ngeeeee. teringat homer simpson. HAHA !

skarang tgah addicted to this song.
nymphetamine by cradle of filth.
whoa3. not like im into heavy metal now.
just this one song.
the lyrics are quite hard to interpret,, but from what i understand.
its actually a love song.
nymph - a beautiful goddess,, and amphetamine - a type of drug.
the song tells the story about how the guy is so addicted to the girl.
and how the girl reminiscence their time spent together.
i simply cant get enuff of the song !

" bared on your tomb,,
im a prayer of your loneliness.
and would you ever soon come above unto me ?
for once upon a time,, from the binds of your loneliness.
i could always find the right slot of your sacred key. "

xD xD xD xD xD

so,,
nard and biey came to hang on friday.
they called.
so i postponed my trip to jb till yesterday.
*sighs.
a lot has changed.
nard,, aku syg kao. and i'll try my best to be there for you whenever you need someone.
okay ?
i really dont know what to say.
malam tuu lepaq ramai2.
nard,, biey,, eva,, arm and epy.
murni ss2 jd mangsa.
everyone gelak mcm org gila.
im glad we had fun,, guys.
im looking foward for more "fun' days like that one.
cewahhh. bru tdy ckap nak turn life around kann.
pfft.

aite.
im running out of stories to tell.

b,,
sy rndu awk mnyk3 !
cant wait to see you again.
really,, imy.
;'(

Sunday, October 24, 2010

yet another day passed.

pergi paramore hari tuuu !
yeayy. 19102010. a date to remember.
tak sempat lagi nak membebel pasal paramore laa.
nty2 la ea.
but mmg best gile !

life's been okay.
okay kot.
tdy lepaq dgan zett.
sumpah imissyou laa pompuan.
esok dtg lagi eea. saket,, aku bg vitamin.
cnfrm baek ! bahaha.

smalam ade class kitchen.
(yess,, sbtu pon ade class)
from 0830 am till 1800 pm.
agak2 ? penat bhaiii.
masak chicken chop and nasi ayammm. ;)
TERmasin laa chicken sy.
haha. TER okay TER !
:p
1st time masok class kitchen.
macam celebrity.
gagaga. tak gne pny classmates !
semua tepok tgan mase aku masok.
chef dah blur dah. haha.
pictures dah upload dkat fb.

dgan acap still mcm tuu.
still ckap aku smbong lagi.
haihhhh. ntah la wey. aku dah penat and malas nak ckap ape2.

esok ade class pg. muiz ckap ade presentation.
shitman.
:(

meen : pfft. i dont even know where to begin.

currently dkat oldtown.
tgah tgu cik arm nie habes keje. another half an hour weyh.
awk lambat,, tggal ea. haha. dush2.

eka,, ble nak lepaq nie. bnyk nak story morry ! ngee. good luck for finals okay !
sinchan : sumpah rndu awk ! rndu myk3 ! ;)

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

acap.

kao dah laen dow.
laen sgt2.
kalao nak ekotkan,, dah brape kali aku terasa hati dgan kao.
but when i think of all the times we spent together,,
aku buat bodo je,, even saket hati.
aku still lepaq dgan kao.
kao ckap aku dah kerek.
but bro,, if only you know how much you mean to me.
and how i worship you in front of them.
aku rase dah distant dgan kao.
yess,, aku ade someone special now.
that doesnt mean we cant hang out mcm dulu.
mcm mane pon,, my friends comes 1st.
aku dah pernah ckap dah kann.
why cant u just be happy for me.
why cant you be happy when im happy.
sedey dow.
sedey sgt.
terkilan.
:'(

Sunday, October 10, 2010

halloween month eh ?

hello octoberrrrr. ;)
moreover,, today's date : 101010.
happy bday ryry. =)
bile nak blanje aku ? mane hadiah aku ? haha.

so.
im currently in jB.
back for the weekend.
heading back to kL by noon today with sad.
rase mcm skejap je dkat cnie.
sehari je. =(
whattodo.
but weekend was great.

mama acted sooo differently.
tak mara pon aku tidik hidung.
siap teman beli stud baru lagiii. star shaped. =)
heeee.
she cooked laksa for me just now.
and pancake for breakfast.
tmorrow nak masak sambal udang plak katenye.
haihh. semua fav2 je nie.
weee-ierd !
ade udang disebalik sambal petai kahh ?
belikan crocs baruuu lagi.
perghhh.
haha.

i love you,, mama.
not because of all this.
i've always loved you.
and im loving you every single moment.
you're the best mother on earth.
eventhough gadowh sometimes.
you are still number 1 !
let them say what they want,,
i dont give a fuck.
you,, bro and kak juju are all that matter.
:)

shitt i have tons to tell.
but im soooooo sleepy.
and i guess it'll have to wait.
till then.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

hazelnut white coffee.

yet another day at oldtown.
with my slut,, rasyid.

"babi ! " katanye.
haha.

lately nie sy happy je.
knape ea ?
sbb assignment bagos kot.
haha.

"assgnment laa sgt" kate rasyid.
ye la hoi !
assgnment laa !
which reminds me.
loads to do.
logging off.
;)

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

one of the best day !

hoho.
i pierced my nose today.
yeaa. i finally did !
;D lovin it !
saket tu tak laa sgt.
but keluar jgak laa air mate tdy kann.
alaa,, sbb awek tuu spray bndealah tu masok mate.
haha. ;p

classes had been good so far.
lect ckap our group pny assgnment je yg dy puas hati.
pergh,, bangga la sial !
considering i was the one who did it !
haha.

nak ckap ape lagi kann. senyum je la.
haha.

;D

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

bongok !

presently hanging at oldtown with my bitch,, muiz !
=)
supposed to do our assignment,,
but blogging instead. ;D

muiz gile !
farah comel !
rasyid gile !
muiz handsome !
rasyid pelacur omputeh celup !
smalam best ~ !
best gile !
takde keje la weyh !
dah laa weyhhhh ~ !
i love muiz !
muiz stoned !

Saturday, September 18, 2010

back to life. =)

okayy.
am going back to kl tomorrow.
well,, today,, technically.
well,, in a few hours to be exact.
haha.

along with sad and his annoying yet cool bro.
haha.
riding in cars with boys like drew berrymore laa konon ?
:p

if we reach kl in time,,
we should be attendidng atiqah's open house.
at 8pm.

then later that night,,
later tonight that is.
i would love to meet up with
miss zettira farhanna.
;D
bnyk hutang nak dibayar. kan yanggggg ! :D
haha. tak bley blahhhh.
she ym-ed me just now.
merepek ntah hape2.
but yeahh,, i laughed my head off.
hee.

so thats about it.
since idk when imma come back to jb,,
or when imma update my blog.
till then.

shinchan : sy syg awk and im always missing you.
boo : you know. imy ! take care,, whatever you do,,okay ?

xoxo.

Friday, September 17, 2010

pure morning.

got myself a five hour sleep.
JOY !
seriously,, im quite worried.
not sleeping for days,, and when i sleep,,
its only for a few hours.
my body gets tired.
exhausted,, drained out.
but i cant seem to be getting enough sleep.
something is definitely bothering me.
i just dont know what it is.
sheesh.

so,,
as i was just trying to shut my eyes in the afternoon,,
yulie called.
nak dtg beraya.
heh.
so yeah,, she and dilla came,,
along with another couple,,
i cant remember their names.
it was fun.

boy,, cant wait to get back to subang !
damnnnn.
so many plans had to be canceled.
:(

this is like the first time in sooo long that i feel
excited and cant wait for class to start again.
haha.
really. cant wait ! the kitchen should be ready,,
therefore basic cookery class should be starting.
weeeee. ;D

so.
today's topic :
i feel like nagging bout relationship status.
haha. yeahhh. JACKPOT !
:D

well,, frankly.
what is it not to love bout being single ?
you're free,,
nobody control's you.
no commitment.
you can flirt around all you want ! haha.
honestly. i am comfortable being where i am right now.
relationship wise.

but i gotta admit.
i do miss being committed at times.
being loyal.
loving and being loved by only one.
the one. *sighs.

i guess its true,,
once you're burned,, you're not the same.
that was me then.
loyal and committed.
but she fucked me up,,
and i guess i just lost it.
i want to be the old me again.
:(

now im like having this irrational fear of being committed.
in other word,, phobia.
its definitely hard for me to trust again.
a few people came into my life after her.
touched my heart i gotta admit.
but idk.
why is it not working ?
its not them,, i know.
its me.
issues with myself.

fuck it !
i wanna try everything all over again.
i wish my heart would just mend.
i wish that moving on is as simple as abc for me.
but noooo. i had to be sooo hung up on her.
pfft.
i want to take things seriously again.
i mean,, ive been fooling around a lot lately.
not taking things seriously.
everything !
joking bout stuff. even serious stuff.
sheesh.

maybe i'll just try ?
try to trust.
try relationship.
ive got nothing to lose anyway.
hit the hard bottom,, and you've got nothing to lose.
trust me.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

insomnia !

okayyy.
what is it with me lately ?
what !
like i can only sleep once every two days ?
damnit !

its been three times in a row.
through out this past week.
i wont sleep for two days.
okayy,, scratch that.
not that i wont,, i CANT !
ive tried but i cant !

so,, i cant sleep for twho whole days,,
and i'd sleep the whole day when i could.
only if i take cough meds,, flu meds,, drowzy meds,, or weed.
fuck !

whattafuck !
imma junkie now ?!
apesal tak ngntok nie !
takde mnom coffee pon !
but i just cant seem to get some sleep.

hyper gle. then nty bad mood.
haihhhhh.

macam mane nak tdo ea ?
:(

breaking dawn !

hey ho.
just watched the twilight saga : eclipse two times in a row.
back to back !
whoaaaaa.
im lovin it !

favourite quotations :

jacob : "i'm gonna fight for you untill your heart stops beating."
edward : "isabella swan,, i promise to love you,, every momment,, forever.
would you do me the extrodinary honor by marrying me ?"
bella : "some say the world will end in fire. some say in ice. from what i've tasted
of desire,, i hold with those who favors fire.but if i had to parish twice,,
i think i know enough to hate to say that for distruction ice is also
great."

favourite scenes :

when bella asked jacob to kiss her. fuckkkkkk ! i get all excited ! tak ddok diam tengok ! haha.
and when the cullens and the wolves faught the newborns,, when jasper was giving the attack plan. hoho. t'was a verry cool scene.
jacob,, bella and edward in the tent all together. edward had to see jacob warming bella as she was freezing to death.

damnit ! i cant wait for breaking dawn !
eclipse was so much better than new moon.
and i gotta say i like eclipse better than twilight.
more action.
and bella finally realizes she's in love with jacob as well.
and damn ! bella and edward are enggaged for fuck's sake !
they'll get married in breaking dawn ! woohoooo !
tak sabarnye !
i actually know how the story will end anyways.

* taknak tao,, tak payah bace okay ! *

bella and edwars will have a baby.
renesme.
bella almost died giving birth so edward had to change her.
so renesme would be half vampire and half human.
and renesme ended up o be with jacob.
wtf right. i know.
haha.
so in breaking dawn,, they'll be fighting the volturi.
and bella turned out to be the most powerfull vampire !
haha.
damn ! im sooooo obssesed !
:D

breaking dawn,, in the making ! CANT WAIT ! CANT WAIT ! CANT WAIT !

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

colt 45.

okayy.
i fell asleep around 0030,, woke up around 0530.
knocked out for five fuckin hours !
i woke up and there were 5 missed calls and 7 unread texts.
pfft.
mmg tdo mati. dah mcm pengsan pon ye jgak.

so i woke up t go to the toilet.
looked myself in the mirror.
pergh. dah mcm hantu !
dark circle around my eyes.
muka pucat gle.
bibir pon pucat. rambot serabai.
mata kuyu.
haha. tak tao laa mcm mane bley lepas dgan mama balek tdy.

yelaa, i havent slept for two days !
so,, went out with my friend.
mcm cibaiii.
haha.
last night i got myself new experiences.
doing things i never did before.
ngeeee.
getting stoned in the middle of the highway.
shitmann ! now im reminded of the movie pineapple express !
hahaaaa ! nak tgok lepas nie.
so,,
i drove at first,,
but ble dah ting tong tuuuu.
pullover la.
bhahaa. then my friend took the wheels.
pergi makan abc paling sedap dkat jb !
;)

so,, hung out with yulie and dilla.
went back to their place.
kne lagi 1 joint before balek.
terbhaik cha !
haha. one of the feelings i'll never forget.
yeahh.

life's too short to take too seriously,, dude.
at least i know what its like. ;)

off.

Monday, September 13, 2010

yet,, another Q&A.

Would you hug your ex again?
which ex ? hoho.
kalao jumpe ape salahnye hugg kannnnn. :p

Why did you and your last ex break up?
last ex ea ?
haha. boo ? why ea ?
we're better off being friends kott.
lagi rapat. kan boo kan ? hee.

How many girlfriends or boyfriends have told you they loved u?
ecehh. dah name mase tuu gf. semua lahh.
girlfriends only okayyy.
im a goldstar ! haha.
*according to the L word,, a 'goldstar' is a person who never have a relationship with the opposite sex.*

How many girlfriends or boyfriends did you actually love?
erm3.
three ? heh.
four.

Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt?
gahhh.
tell me bout it.
muffin,, this includes you ! ;P

Have you ever made a boyfriend or girlfriend cry?
yeaaaa. hihi.

Are you happier single or in a relationship?
i'd have to say,, single !
life's less complicated !

Would you ever lie to get an ex back?
hoho.
no.

Have you ever been cheated on?
lalala.
once is not enough,, she had to do it twice !
sheesh.

Have you ever told someone you loved them and didn't mean it?
err.
honestly,, yes.

Have you ever had your heart broken?
duhh.

If you could go back in time and change things, would you?
no.

Do you still love your ex?
i still love my boo.
and i still care for naz.
that one particular ex : she who must not be named,, i have nonewhatsoever
feeling of love anymore. haha.

Do you believe that you are a good girlfriend or boyfriend?
hm. hard to say.
go ask my exes. ;)

Have you ever dated some one who was not good to you?
chucked her already.
;)

Have you dated someone older than you?
ngeeee. naz. pakcik tua !
haha. older just by one year pon. haha.

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
yea.
but its about how you use it.
coz there's no third chances with me.

Do you Believe in love at first sight?
no.

Ever want to get married?
not really.

Ever kissed your friend's boyfriend or girlfriend?
hoho.
yea. not proud of it,, okay.
but it got me to where i am right now,, so.
no regrets.

If given a chance, would you like to have your ex back?
read question no 7 !

Still Friends with your exs?
yeaa3.
boo and naz.
heh.

Do You Like Anyone now?
yes i do.

Does anybody have a tattoo with your name on it?
pfft. when i was with her,, she wanted to carve a letter 'F' at her chest.
so that she wont ever forget me,, and i was the love of her life.
*cough,,cough.bullshit!*caugh.
i stoped her and said it was stupid.
after breaking up with her,, i saw a picture of her newly carved arm.
it was the 'F'.
at that time i think her gf's name was fairy,,was it ?
ntah. i lost track. anyways.
i still think its stupid to carve someone's initial to your body.
and now she's over with fairy,, but that F still remains.
whattodo then ? hahaa.
jawab laa dlam kubur ye. :p


*** END OF QUESTIONS***
(mcm soalan finals) haha.

shinchan,, awk jgn mara2 plak bc survey nie.
its only the truth.
sy sygg awk. ;)

jealous much ?

so,,
i stalked her page.
(yess i can be a stalker sometimes)
haha.
damn.
boy,, im glad i dodged a bullet with her !
i really am.

so she got herself a new girl.
errr,, number 44 is it ?
jk. jk.
LOL.
and yea,, she did mentioned to me once when she called me up the other day.
that her current gf,, is psycho jealous.
and damn,, she's right.

i saw that poor girl cursing at some other girl for she thinks that that girl is trying to ruin their relationship.
haha. thats a long statement. faham tak ? :p

and.
it reminded me of me when i was with her.
yeaaa.
i admit. i used to be a psychopath as well.
i get jealous like so easily.
at one point i think i wouldnt let her be friends with most girls.
GOSH !
wtf right.
but yeaa,, that was me then.
was okay.

now,,
i think its safe to say.
i dont get jealous.
i dont.
and i think,, imma keep it that way.
i mean relationships can be really hard if you and your partner get jealous easily.

there'll be missunderstandings,, misscommunications.
and there's just no trust.
so whats the point of having a relationship right ?

you might as well be truthfull.
honest.
at least that's what i think.
and thats what im doing.

now that's a mature relationship.
no fightings,, no argueing.
any dislikes and dissapoinment could be settled by simply communicating.
talking your way out of it.

not like what i had with her.
dlu kalao bley hari2 nak gadow.
and i mean everyday.
it gets violent sometimes.
sampai polis datang ruma lahh.
heh. now when i think about it,, its actually quite funny.
haha.

i think people get jealous when they feel so insecure.
but why cant you just talk nicely about it ?
be civilzed,, people !
we are gifted with brains !
haha. pandai kao cakap kan.
kao pon same je dulu.
but change for the better. =)
i try to be confident.
and time after time,,
i dont get the "insecure" feeling so much.
people have flaws.
thats natural.
but flaws are not the only thing that you have.
love yourself.

* org tak tdo malam mmg bnyk ceramah cmnie.

there it is.
just a peace of mind. ;)

Sunday, September 12, 2010

la vida loca !

heyy blog.
;)

just got back from danga.
was lepaqing at ss.
with elly,, sad and bro.
cuci mata. haha.
jk. jk.

fuckman.
i think i have insomnia now.
pfft.
i cant sleep.
i want to sleep,, but i just cant !
i've tried everything !
lights on,, lights off,, candles,, soft lights.
light songs. you name it.
nothing works.

smalam terok sgt smp i had to take flu and cough meds,,
just to feel drowzy.
haihhh.
ape nak jadi la nie.
ble dah drowzy tuu pon nak mimpi ntah hape2.
haha.

i had a dream,,
that i get like a serious amount of drugs.
a kilo of kay.
shait !
haha.

just got of the fone with elly.
dy ajak kua lagi malam nie.
for a movie kot.
idk yet. kalao rajen,, or kalao dapat green lite dr mama,,
g la kot.
heh.

just got off the fone with elly.
haha.
seemed so long sice i had a girl to girl conversation like that !
i feel so ladylike.
pfft.
apesal laa dgan aku nie.
sheesh.
anyways,, thx for calling babe.
i had fun.
xD

i want nothing more than to get stoned right now !
arghhhhh.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

heart.

its been so long since i write a poem.
this one's called HEART.

heart,,
im sorry you broke to pieces.
i take the blame for not taking care of you.
im sorry now you're like shattered glasses.
how was i to know,, i didnt have a clue.

heart,,
you're becoming as hard as a stone.
im scared you'll never love again.
im here,, you'll never be alone.
whether its the sunshine,, whether it's the rain.

heart,,
she left us both.
i feel the pain that you feel.
so much feelings of loathe.
i hope in time you will heal.

heart,,
im trying my best to pickup every piece.
of you that i let broken by her.
all you need is another true love's kiss.
but no one has ever been that near.

heart,,
i pray that you'll be as strong.
i really hope that we are not done.
maybe what we had with her was wrong.
but you have to meet a few mistakes before meeting the right one.

heart,,
it doesnt matter whom you fall in love with.
as long as there's love in your life.
not hatred,, not anger,, not filth.
so help me god,, i hope my heart'll revive.


there it is.
is it true ?
what they said about once you got your heart broken,,
its almost impossible for you to love again.
well maybe.
idk. what im sure of is that its really hard for me to trust again.
you know.
its like you gave your heart to someone,,
they ripped it apart.
tear it to tiny lil' pieces.
naturally,, you'll think like a billion times before you're ready to give your heart to someone else,,
once you've got yourself together,, that is.
its natural,, right ?
its normal. right ?
hmmm.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

wake me up when september ends.

dear blog.
i feel emptier more than ever today.
i never felt so hollow. ever.
i dont even know what's the matter.
idk what's wrong with me.

im good. healthy and all.
studies are okay.
me and mama patched things up already.
everythings okay with bro.
doin great with friends.
but still.
idk.
i feel hollow.

it happens every now and then.
once in a blue moon.
that im feeling moodless.
its not a bad mood. its just.
idk how to describe it.
feelingless.
as i said. hollow.

it made me feel grandpa.
beloved tok encik.
it made me miss him. so so much.
and i'd think back bout the times when he was around.
especially that yesterday was the independence day.
he used to be so proud,, and he'd raised up the flag high.
telling all the stories bout him in his army days.
god,, i miss him.
I MISS HIM !

things would be a whole lot different of he was still around.
for all i know,,
i would turned out very differently.
the family would definitely not fall apart.
its obvious that he was the glue sticking all of us together.
i would definitely be better.
a lot better.

pops,,
im sorry.
im sorry i didnt turned out as you wanted me to.
im sorry i am not a good girl.
im sorry i've let you down.
im sorry i didnt take care of mama.
im sorry i didnt take care of myself.
i am sorry.

i wish that you were here to help me.
show me the right way again.
help me find myself again.
im lost without you,,pops.
i miss you.
i hope you've reached a better place.
a great man like you deserves nothing less.
and i hope i can see you again.
maybe. soon. who knows.

Monday, August 30, 2010

i hate you,,man.

a complete stranger,,
all of the sudden tells you what to do.
and thinks that they have control of you.
as if they know everything about you.
well,, fuck off.
you want my respect,, you have to earn it !
you maybe somebody to my mom.
but hear me,, you are NOBODY to me.
i love my mom,, not you.
and for now,, i have no reason to even like you.
so,, again,, FUCK OFF !

you think im just gonna sit here.
and just suck up your bullshits ?
well,, you're dumb right wrong,,dude.
if i ever decided to make peace with you,, its only because of mama.
and she deserves only the best.
frankly,, i dont think you are the best,, which i hope my mom would finally realize one day.
you may fool her,, but you aint gonna mess with me,, asshole.
really,,
you've declared war with me after what you said to me yesterday.
so,, bring it !

guys will always be guys huh ?
pfft.
i am a feminist.
i am gay.
i am sexist.
you are so dealing with the wrong bitch.
and yess,, im a can be a bitch when anyone messes with my loved ones.

so take this as a warning.
you dont want to mess with me,, trust me on this.
coz mama is the only person that matters most.

and mama,,
im sorry.
i dont know how much longger i can stand this shit.
u wanna be with him,, fine.
its your life.
and i love you. but just leave me out of it,, okay ?
its so fucked up when we have to fight over a stranger.
he's not even worthit.
i try to talk to u about it,, but you wouldnt listen !
im goin nuts,,mama.
really.
so im just gonna mind my own business.
but that doesnt mean that i dont love you.

i love you. so much.
more than anyone in the world.
i hope u know that.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

have you seen that girl ?

sometimes i wish that i can be sure of what i really want.
coz having to have to wait for something really sucks.
it gets more fucked up when you want something that you just cant have.
have u ever get that feeling ?
of wanting something so badly that you'd do just about anything to get it,,
but getting it is almost too impossible ?

*sighs.
im in jb.
staying for the weekend.
till teusday maybe,, merdeka holiday. pfft.

or i might as well stay till raya.
its just gonna be another week of class before hari raya break anyway.
and most class has not even started yet.
so whats the point of going back.
other than seing my friends.
hangging with them.
boy,,i miss them already.
haha.

so well.
studies : okay laa. scored 3.3 last sem.
still cant live up to mama's expectation.
she's expacting me to get 4 flat. whattafuck right.
but whatever. i know i did my best. and im proud of myself.
enuff said.

family : okayy jgak laa. flaws here and there.but thats normal.
we're getting back on our feet.

friends : GREAT !

self-control : being shitty. getting fatter. but whattaheck. i dont really give a damn.

lovelife : same ol'. still single ! haha.

anyways.
recent addiction : have you seen that girl by lee ann womack.
i could really connect to the lyrics ! ;D

Innocent, Confident
With a hint of curiosity and an air of what you see is what you get
fun to be around
Laugh at herself
Never worried
Life is short but whats the hurry
Bright-eyed and ready to take on the world

Have you seen that girl
That everybody says I used to be
Have you seen that girl
Where along the way did I lose me?
Have you seen that girl

She was full of life
Looked on the brighter side
If it was worth a chance she'd take it
Said that life is what you make it
But a few wrong moves led to a few wrong turns
And once your burned your not the same
You tend to shy from the flame
I hate to think shes givin up her dream

Have you seen that girl
That everybody says I used to be
Have you seen that girl
Where along the way did I lose me
Have you seen that girl
Where along the way did I lose me
Have you seen that girl

got it from the L word season6 last episode - the last word.
jenny died. yea,, she turned out to be a bitch towards the end. but it still didnt stop me from shedding some tears. haha.
enuff with the L word already ! GOSH. im so obsessed. that i've actually watched all six seasons for four fuckin times. haha.
hoping that me and her would turned out to be like bette and tina. just like she used to said.
*sighs.

she called the other day.
just when i was just about to forget about her.
but i was fine. i could talk to her without being nervous or anything.
she sounded sad though.
she said she misses me.
it sounded so true and real.
but fuck it.
it was just for one split second.
and then,, here we are.
back to reality.
pfft.
imyt.

and boo. the other day i was thinking about you all day long.
i fuckin miss u. and i hope u're doin fine.
imissyouu. sgt3.

off to bed.

Friday, August 27, 2010

girlsssss.

Hoi laa pompuannnnn. Apesal laaa pompuan ske sgat ngumpat ? Tak puas hati ckap dpan2 laa bhai. Takkan takot kot ? Nak kutok2 gua blakang2 tak reti takot plak ? Kao ade masalah ke kalao aku kasar2 mcm nie ? Ske hati aku laa nak kawan dgan sape,, nak lepaq dgan sape2 pon kan. Mmg mmber aku mostly lelaki. Kao ade masalah ke ? Nak ckap aku bohsia plakkkk. Kao kenal aku pon tak,, nak judge2 mcm tu kannn. Tlg la wey jgn jadi closed minded. Ni laa antara sbb aku lbey ske bkawan dgan lelaki. Kalao dgan pompuan nie ade je tak puas hati. Haihhhh. Its none of your fuckin business in the first place. if im gay. If i smoke. If i drink. Why in the world should u even give a shit when you're nobody to me ? Kalao lu nak jadi baek,, nak nasehat bukan gua takbley terima. Ckap laa dpan2. Ni citer blakang2 ape barang bhaiiiii ? Panasss ah ! Im not againts closed minded people. This is msia,, and we're still bound to the adat and all. I get it. But its my choice to be open minded,, so please respect me. And i will do the same.

Friday, August 20, 2010

"i sayang you" katanye.

to whom it may concern,,

its too soon to be saying 'i love you'.
i gotta admit though,,
i think im falling for you.

your presence around me makes me feel so warm and cozy.
but its not that long since we've known each other.
so,, like you said.
i think its best that we get to know a lil bit better of each other,,
before we take it to the next level.
i need to figure some shit out.
i need to make sure of what i really want.

idk whether its right to say this.
but being around youu takes me back to when i was with meen.
you really reminded me of her.
im not comparing or anything.
but yeah,, you are so much like her.

anyhow,, im sorry.
i think its best that we wait and let things flow for a while.
i know you got some stuff you need to figure out too.

but fuck it. IMISSYOUU !
cant wait to see u again.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

falling for youuuu. ;D

so. fasting month's here.
today's the 2nd day. ;)
before we know it,, raya will be just around the corner.
yeayyy. =)

when i think about it,,
this time last year,, my life was perfect.
haha.
was still with her. was getting to know mier.
it was great really.

but this year aint that bad either.
im surrounded by crazy peeps known as my classmates.
haha.
new sem starts monday next week.
i guess we wont be hanging around klana mall anymore,,
as unitar changed its venue to mentari,,sunway.
hopefully evrything'll work out well.

just when i thought i could never get back on my feet,,
evrything turned out okay.
there's always a silver lining i guess.

im starting to feel again.
xD

Monday, August 9, 2010

all the love in the world.

friends.
there are all sorts of friends.
and ive come across so many types of people.
theaches me a thing or two about life.
there are things that are better off be kept as a secret.
there are things that should be out in the open.
sometimes white lies are nesscesary.
sometimes lying is the best solution.
sometimes we should just come clean about stuff,, no matter how bad it is.

friends.
im not gonna lie.
i do have a lot of friends.
bestfriends,, close friends,, party peeps,, pet peeves and just plain friends.
some are true friends,, that i dont think that i can ever replace.
some are backstabbers,, whom i no longger call my friend.
some comes and go.

these few people in my life.
that preety much changed me in so many ways.

firstly;
fatimah mahanom mohamed.
mama.
you are my mom.
but also my bestfriend.
since birth.
you know everything there is to know about me.
you know me best.
yeah,, we fight a lot lately.
a damn lot.
but theres not a single minute that i hate youu,,ma.
iloveyouu. and i'll always love youu as long as im breathing.
you always comes first in my love dictionary.

no doubt;
muhammad farouk zainol kamal.
bro.
that i would also call my friend.
we have no secrets right ?
haha.
mase kecik bercekau je keje.
bertumbok,, naek tangan,, kaki sume laa.
mama hanta taekwondo mmg utk kite sparring dkat ruma.
weapon : penyapu and ridsect can.
haha.
but dah besar nie,, bru nak rapat.
u turned out to be the best brother any sister could ever wish for.
and im proud of the person you've become.
iloveyouu bro.

julia jailer;
akak.
my rabbit sister.
;D your love and care for me is always showing.
with all the things thats been going on,, im sorry i cant visit you and the kids more often these days.
but i do miss youu.
the coolest sister everr.
im glad that YOU are my sister.
coz i can tell practically anything to youu.
just about everything,,in fact.
i guess the bond between two sisters are always gonna be strong. ;)

nevertheless;
ninnah kamilah asmoni.
nin.
youre my bestfriend.
some people misused the term bff.
bestfriends forever.
but you,,dear,, deserves it more than anyone else.
bfff as a matter affect.
since form1 was it ?
even though we became close in our fifteens.
all the crazy shit during highschool.
haha. makes me laugh when i think about it.
i'll never forget you,, nor all the things that you helped me through.
iloveyou,,and i can never thank you enough.

then;
nawal nadia azimuddin.
naw.
we've known each other since standard6.
thats primary school.
and i think you're by far the longgest friendship i've salvaged.
we've salvaged.
camping at semenyih. haha. ;)
we may not be as close as before. we have our own lives now.
different directions for each of us.
but im glad we're still here for each other.
iloveyouu naw. and imissyouu like crazy babe.
i miss the three of us.

of course;
mohamad helmi.
jack.
youre like a brother to me.
never knew that my feelings from admiring youu could evolve
to loving youu !
you've helped me emotionally.
a good advisor. a great listener.
no doubt the best boyfriend. ;D
the sleepovers. haha. a memory i'll treasure,,sygg.
i miss those good old days.

honey;
zettira farhanna zawawee.
zett sygggggg.
haha. where do even begin.
my first roomie.
mule2 tgok mcm kerek,, rupe2nye masok air minah nie.
heeee. these 4 years that ive known youu,,
i never regret even a single second of it.
kite gadowh pon,, youre still my best girlfie.
that crazy drunken night when we....
ahah. nevermind.
you believed in me. and you were the only one who shed some light
when she and everyone else were lying straight to my face.
i can never thank youu.

siti nazirah;
angahhh.
angahngahhhh. ;D
at one time we were so damn close.
tak jumpe sehari tak sah kann ? haha.
club same2,, mabok sme2,, pengsan dlm toilet sme2.
haha. okayy. it was just me. but she helped out. luckily she was there.
flaming lamborghini itu wajibbbb ! haha.
imissyouu,, friend.
i miss our fun times. and i'll never forget the things you've done for me.
i think ive never had a chance to say thank youu.
so thank youu. ;D hope to see u soon.

then.
muhammad khaidier asyraff.
acap.
acapannnn. ;)
we didnt know each other for that long.
but during this short period of time,, we became
extremely close.
and i gotta admit ive never been this close to a guy before.
youre indeed a great friend,,bro.
off lately,, all the crazy stuff i did,, was all with youu.
genting,, melaka,, andarlus. haha. you name it.
club je tak perna lagi. aku dah retire. haha.
but youve helped me. a damn lot.
so thank youu so berry3 much.

eka shah. (haha. taknak mention name u,, nty u mara)
boo.
alot of things happened.
none the less,, u were there,, lifting my spirits up
when i was so fragile,, breaking up with her.
i'll never forget that.
i sayang youu. even as my dear friend je.
i do. iloveyouu.
and imissyouu.

and then theres a few close friends,, of course.
rezal,,sham,, korg pon bnyk tolong aku jgak. so thxx a bunch ! ;)
shammm aku rndu kao !

new friends whom are just beginning to get to know me.
muiz,,pojan,, shahrul,, syahrul,, syafiq,, safwan,, erni,, faisal,, aiman,, rasyid. korg bnyk tlg i with the assgnments and all. haha. assgnments la sgt kann.
in a way,, lepaq dgan korg bwat i happy jgak.
u guys always reminds me that im never alone. hee.
missing ya'll.

and those friends yg at 1 point pernah rapat.
DQS uitm especially koein,,wawan,, ina and yaya.
buka puasa same2 kannn. ;)
tak puase pon sme2. haha.
rndu korg.
tak tao apesal ow. skrg tgah mood nak rndu semua org je ! haihhhh.
ble nak jmpe lagi nie ?

there it is.
i may left some names.
but kalao letak nty panjangg sgt lahh blog nie.
bukan nak bangga2kan sgt mmber2. but truth been said
that these are the people that helped me when i needed help.
they are closer to me than my family is sometimes.
and this is my way of telling them how much i appriciate them.

xoxo.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

more Q & A !

I have been in love: TRUE.
I have dumped someone:TRUE.
I have been dumped:TRUE.
I have had a secret admirer:TRUE.
I have had a crush on a much older person:NO.
I have slept with a co-worker or boss:FALSE.
I have been in an abusive relationship:TRUE.
I have had a crush on a MySpace friend:TRUE.
I have met someone because of MySpace:TRUE.
I have drank liquor:TRUE.
I have drank beer:TRUE.
I have drank wine:FALSE.
I have smoked a cigarette:DUHH. TRUE.
I have smoked a cigar:TRUE.
I have smoked weed:TRUE.
I have thrown up from drinking:TRUE.
I have blacked out from drinking:TRUE.
I have taken pain killers:TRUE.
I have been suspended from school:FALSE.
I have had detention:FALSE.
I have been in a car accident:FALSE.
I have seen someone or something die:FALSE.
I have been robbed or vandalized:FALSE.
I have skipped class: TRUE. ;)
I have been fired:FALSE.
I have been in a fist fight:TRUE.
I have fallen asleep at work or school:FALSE.
I have watched the sun set:FALSE.
I have felt an earthquake:FALSE.
I have won a contest:TRUE.
I have sang karaoke in public:TRUE.
I have laid on my back and watched cloud shapes pass by:TRUE.
I have been ice skating: TRUE.
I have flown a kite:TRUE.
I have had a tea party:FALSE.
I have built a sand castle:FALSE.
I have played poker:TRUE.
I have cheated while playing a game:TRUE.
I have had braces:FALSE.
I have witnessed a crime:TRUE.
I have squished barefoot through mud:TRUE.
I have swam in the ocean:TRUE.
I have felt like I was dying:TRUE.
I have cried myself to sleep:TRUE.
I have played cops and robbers:TRUE.
I have played a Nintendo Wii:FALSE.
I watch American Idol: TRUE.
I have paid for a meal with only coins:FALSE.
I have made a prank phone call:TRUE.
I have kissed in the rain:FALSE.
I had a wish come true:TRUE.
I have been humped by a dog on the leg:FALSE. wtf.
I have jumped off a bridge:FALSE.
I have screamed "penis" or "vagina":FALSE. hahaahaha.
I have gotten a speeding ticket:TRUE.
I have sat on a roof top:TRUE.
I have screamed at the top of my lungs:TRUE.
I have talked on the phone more than 6 hours at a time:FALSE.
I believe in ghosts:TRUE.
I have been inside a jail:TRUE.
I have jumped in a pool with all my clothes on:TRUE.
I have broken a bone:TRUE.
I have rode a rollercoaster:TRUE.
I have been scuba diving:TRUE.
I have fallen going up stairs: going down actually. haha.
I have been shot: FALSE.
I have flattened someones tires:FALSE.
I have been in a car that ran out of gas:FALSE.

Monday, August 2, 2010

video

i know i shouldnt,, but i still do.

goodbye my almost lover,,
goodbye my hopeless dream,,
im trying not to think about you.
cant you just let me be.
so long my luckless romance.
my back has turned on you.
should i known you'd bring me heartache,,
almost lovers always do.

jayyy-to-the-beeee !

hey heyy heyyyy !
first off,, welcome august !
hope this will be a better month for me.
ramadhan is coming really soon.
thought of fasting tmorrow. just to prepare.
heh.

back in jB baby !
haha. rase mcm dah lame sgt3 tak balek.
a damn lot has changed.
jalan pon dah berubah. boley sesat wowowo.
;D
a very warm welcome from mama.
she made chilli with garlic bread. awww.
thxx mama. knyggg. ;D
haha. and theres durian in the fridge.
DURIAN !!! heeeee. happy ow.
its nice to feel im actually home.
hm.

anyways,,
tuesday,, 27th of july 2010.

acap : "nak pergi mane ea ? aku bosan dah laa area subang and kL."
me : "tao tao laa dow. aku bosan jgak. jom pergi tempat laen ! "
acap : "mane ?"
just a few hours back zett,, my friend called me up. kinda missing her. its been ages since we hang out. so i suggested melaka. yeahhh.

we went to melaka. believe it. more spontanious,, ridiculous,, thrilling activity by us.
after a fine dining at strawberry field,, taipan,, we made our way.
thought about *lee. he was at uniten,, and we could really pick him up as it was on the way.
and he said he's in,, so there we were at uniten,, making our way.

boley plak acap lupe isi mnyk. and we were already in the highway.
and the nearest gas station was at seremban.
acap was speeding like hell. haha.
me and lee was silent then ever. semua org nak chuak. haha.
agak2 laa wey. it was almost 12 that time.
midnite.
but well,, we made it. ;)

so another hour from seremban to alor gajah.
and zett said she would wait for me at wthe restaurant we ussually hang.
along with torok,, arab,, din and a bunch of other dudes i barely know.
so we arrived.

had a drink. and torok suggested to go to melakaraya.
as alor gajah was not lively AT ALL after 12. haha.
didnt know how i managed to survive there for two fuckin years.

zett wanted to go back home first before making our moves.
so went to taman intekma,, my former neighbourhood when i was living there.

i thought i'd meet up with meen for a while.
not to hang out,, but just to see her.
even for a minute.

so yeahh.
i went to see her. as she was living around that area as well.
no harm to see how ur ex is doing right ?
i mean its been months since ive seen her.
so much have changed.
idk. maybe i was all wrong.
maybe i wasnt myself that night.
acap and rezal was sooooo mad when i told them i wanted to see her.
but. whattahell. being me,, being the stubborn-me.
haha.

so i met her at the alley.
she came to me.
gosh,, what can i say. i wasnt nervous at all.
i wasnt shaking and sweating like hell,, like i used to,, the very last time i saw her. pfft.
i smiled and said "heyy."
she shaked my hands.
wierd that i felt nothing.
hm. we hugged.
the way she hugged me,,though. hm.
it was okay at first,, but then she held me tighter.
i was wishing i could stop the time.
fuck. i was missing her aite.
dont get me wrong. im soooo over her. and i wasnt hoping at all.
;)
she was wearing the tee i bought her,, and a sweater.
and it was drizzling so she took it off and give it to me.
but i didnt take it.
i just asked if she was doing okay.
and thats it. the rain was getting heavier,, so i excused myself.
plus my friends were waiting.
it was less than 5 minutes. but i didnt regret it at all.
im glad to be seing her again.
she seemed okay.
her hair was getting longger though.
hm. its hard to put how i felt that night in words.
so maybe i'll just keep it to myself.

anyways,, we went to melakaraya.
clubs were closing by then. it was half past two.
so,, torok took us to this stall where they made the best asam pedas.
;D
and i mean THE BEST !
;)
hanged out till bout 4.30.
did some catchups with my melaka peeps.
and we went back around 5,, after sending zett back.
arrived back to uniten around 6.
hanged again at putrajaya till 7.
and then acap sent me home.

another wild night.
;D
another me doing crazy stuff.
what's next ?
im sensing ulu yam,, or maybe ipoh ?
haha. we'll see.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

i can blog thru fone ? Whoaa.

No net connection at home.but thanks to the techonology these days,, i can even blog thru mobile.jakon. Haha. Been sleeping really late lately. Selagi tak suboh msty tak ngntok. Haihh. Went to melaka on tuesday but will tell u all about it some other time. I just miss blogging. Hee. Might be going back to jb tmorrow or the next day. Missing mama very dearly. Im sorry we faught. Im sorry i wasnt trying to understand u.i love you no matter how bad things get. We'll make it thru. We're still a strong family. You, me and bro. I'll see you very soon mamaku tomel. U're still the person that matters most in my life. Make no mistake bout that. And bro,, thxx for evrything. I'll miss u when u go back to kms. Till then.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

i vow.

dear blog.

im currently at my hometown,, kg tunku,, pj.
there are stuff needs to be settled tmorrow.
so had to cncle all my plans. ;(

sometimes i just sit back and wonder.
why does life has to be so darn cmplicated !
why do we have to have problems ?
why cant everything just comes easy in life ?
why cant i just live a happy,, carefree life ?

fuck it.
i know,, everything will just makes me stronger.
was watching the pursuit of happyness just now.
it gave me hope.
and made me realize,, there's always a silver lining.
and i know i can do it.
even on my own. and i need to make it through.

having everyone by my side,,
especially acap,, nina,, rezal,, mer,, muiz,, pojan,, faisal and syafiq
and all of my friends really touches me.
u had been there for me even without u knowing it.
u made me feel better when i was so down.
and thank youu very much.

nevertheless,,
i need to breakfree.
i need to move on.
i need to be somebody,, in order to achieve.
and i need to achieve in order to be a somebody.

so,, i vow to not let these kinds of things bring me down.
and God,, please be with me.
as i need u now more than ever.
;(

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

cuti sem : TAKNAK BALEK JB !
boley tak ?

Monday, July 19, 2010

boo.

im sorry if you're hurt,, boo.
i truly am.

im sorry if i hurt you.
im sorry if u feel that ure nobody in my life.
u are somebody.
thought i made it clear.
thought i told you.

i wouldnt say the things that i dont mean.
im just in my darkest moments right now.
not that i dont want to share my problems with u.
but i dont see the point.

i tak cerita dkat sape2 pon.
even nina,, yg i kenal dr skola pon tak tao.
nawal.
acap.
and of course,, you laa sygg.

please jgn terase dgan i.
imissyou.
really i do.

text me okay ?
boo,, i heartyou.

Friday, July 16, 2010

God,, give me strength.

challanges comes in all sorts of forms.
and sometimes i feel like i just cant take it anymore.
was stoned the other night.
and was feeling emotional than ever,, so i slit my wrist.

never did i expect that the person who never care for me.
was never in my life.
that person was the one who helped me through my breakdown.
and the person whos always been there for me,,
in a way backstabbing me.
sumpah tension.
im going out of my mind.

dgan nak finals lagi nie.
thx laa hoii.
rase mcm nak tdo taknak bgon.
bley tak.

for those that i just refrain myself.
im sorry.
i just dont like to share my problems.
eka,, mer.
im sorry.
hope neither of you takes it personally.
sometimes i just wanna be by myself.
tu yg kdg2 tak text.

my life is a living hell right now.
kalao mati pon takpe jgak.
haha.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

hectic life,, dude.
damn hectic.
haihhh.

followed by unforgettable past that never fails to make me fee; miserable !
but,, what fuckin-ever !

Sunday, July 11, 2010

lets up the date. ;)

hello july !

first off.
happy belated bday,,boo !
sorry sgt2 i lupe wish the other day. heh.
smp skarang rase guilty. ;(

life's been okayy.
as usual. just trying to stay alive.
just surviving.
nawal is sleeping over tonite.
babe. im glad that we had a chance to do some catchups.
fuck,, i miss the three of us.
the tripod.

you,,me and nina.
susah sgt nak lepaq bertiga these days.
msty someone missing.
whatever it is,, both of ya'll are the best friends anyone could ever wish for.
we're practically sisters..babes !

eclipse : belom tengok lagii. ;(
classes : okayy laa. presentation the other day rawksss !
friends :
sham - dah blek jb.
nina - always m.i.a with rezal.
sue,,bax,,syuk,,syanaz,,haziq - lame gle tak hang. thx to iz and zima.
acap - always there. ;D
nawal - still got loads to catchup.
arm - ;)
unitar friends - semua masok air ! ahaha. and drama tak habes2 ! ;P

family : mama - been quiet for two days. hope she's doing fine.
bro - bz with his gf.
kak juju - imissyouu,,rabbit ! ;(
couzins - m.i.a.

meen : back in the picture. comes and go as she pleases.
boo : i rase mcm makin renggang dgan you. ;(
mer : always there.
bell : lost contact.
mier : imissyou.
naz : ble nak lepaq ?!

hm. lemme see. what else.
aahh. yess. the drammas.
ive got my hands full with drammas these days.
how on earth i managed that,, i myself dont know.
its tiring !
sickening. and boring.
im raising the white flag,,yaww.
tak larat dah. i dont want to have anything to do with it anymore.
ya'll should just come clean to each other.
im friends with everyone and dont make me choose sides.
enuff said.

peace out.



Sunday, June 27, 2010

:(

had a dream about you recently.
fuck,, imissyouu.
i miss us.
mier.

life.

why lahh weyyyy.
rase laen mcm je nie.
haihhh.
serabot pon ye jgak.
damnit laaaaaa !

rase nak mencharot2.
nak tumbok org.
nak headbanging.
mnom smp mabok.
joint smp high.
smoke smp lebam.

hish.
fed up lah !
but esokk,, put on a smile again and pretend everything's okay.
;D

Saturday, June 26, 2010

yaww peeps,, i heart ya'll !

ninnah kamilah bt asmoni,,
you are the best friend anyone could ever wish for.
you were always there for me,,by my side
in sunshine,, in rain.
and i want you to know that i love youu.
bfff forever aite babe.
and i wish that i could be there for u as well.
;D

and as for the rest,,
sham,, acap,, rezal,, famie,, iz,, mer,, eka,, bell,, safwan,, muiz,, and rasyid.
thank youu for everything.
when the world feels like its gonna end for me;
when the walls are closing on me;

these are the people that always have my back.
i love you all !
muah muah muahhhh !

Saturday, June 12, 2010

updates,, updates,, updates !

okayy. dah mula bnyk assignments.
bukan bnyk lagi,,
bertimbun !

(yawn)
but as always lahh.

as long as its not till the very last minute,,
takkan buat punye.
haha. statement bodo.

so this past week,, i learnt leaving alone.
well,, not exactly alone.
nina,,naan and zatie came for sleepovers.

so,, daily routine :
lepaq smp pagi,, tdo smp ptg,, then lepaq again.
haha.

tapi mcm2 ow kitorg buat.
the most spontanious,, ridiculous stuff id never thought i'd do.

went to genting at 12 am.
shisha at andalus (the best,,beb ! ).
bukit ampang.
movie with nana,,t, then nina.
karaoke smp hilang suara.
watch sunrise with acap (dkat mamak) haha. coz tgu rezal and nina. (siot je korg)
ahaa,, the of course laa pool,, foosball and maple.
hee.
club xde langsong ea.
ive been gooooood. ;P

as for classes,, everything is running smoothly.
everything turned out okay for me.
clicked with most dudes in class.
(yg bajet2 tuu,,sorry la ea,, aku tak ske korg)
besties with muiz,,rasyid and syahrul.

erm3.
ape lg ea.
as for mama,,
haha. tak payah citer laaa.
tak gadow sehari,, tak sah !

so thats about it lah.
damn sleepy.
so,, assignments,, you're gonna have to wait.
haha.

gnite !

goodbye my lover.

my dearest dawun,,
its been 4 months,, 1 week,,and 1 day (as in 31st may)
since we broke up.
and between those sad,, frustrating depressing duration,,
we havent really been 100 % saperated.

u'll contact me every now and then.and i'll do the same.
and honest to god,,
i am not fully over you sygg.
but i dont think it'll work out anymore.
and i know i once said i'll wait for you.
but.

you yourself said u want me to move on.
i've tried.and im still trying.
someone new comes along.
she had always been there for me.
and although i cant seem to have her heart,,
but for now she has mine.
i love her.

but when you pop out every now and then,,
i get confused all over again.
and i dont know why.
i cant seem to find the strength to say no to you.

darling dawun,,
we've tried to be just friends.
but we still argue.i dont argue with my friends.
i know that you care for me,, and same goes with me,,honey.

but i need to move on.
i wish that you could help me with that.
the last time we argued,,
you said for me not to contact you for one whole month.
what does that makes me ?
have you ever thought of my feelings when you quote that ?

dear,, i am not just a bootycall.
i am not your doormat.
i refuse let you treat me that way.
so please.

you wanna be hot and cold to everyone else,, fine.
you have your crazy moodswings,, fine.
you get distracted by emotions easily,, fine.
but dont treat me like this.
please,, for all time sake.

ive deleted your number several times so that i wont find a way to contact you.
yess,, i'll cry evry now and then,, but i'll be fine.

now,,when you pop out once in a while,,
history will repeat itself.i dont think i can go through it all over again.
i'd rather keep you in my memory as my dear loving dawun.

so if there's still a tiny bit of love in your heart for me,,please.
leave me alone.
dont try to find me anymore.
we're better off this way.
let me go,,sweetheart.
help me let you go as well.

i wish you all the happiness and success in the world.

Monday, May 31, 2010

damnit.

FUCK LAHHHHH !

when will this stop ?!

how do i move on if you keep coming back.

;'(

Monday, May 24, 2010

where can i find peace ?

damn man !
im supposed to be in subang already.
or at least on my way.
but,, here i am.
still in jB.
pfft.

wtf is wrongggggg ?!

rase mcm x sedap ht je.
mcm tak nak balek subg.
serious rase uneasy.
packing pon mcm nak tak nak je.

farahhhh.
whats wrong with u ?!
ure supposed to be excited !
fuckman.

*sighs.

mama pon ckap,, dah rase tak sedap tu,, tak payah rush2 nak blek.
since my instinct were mostly right.

so we're gonna take our time.
esok pon esok lahh.

what-fuckin-ever.

dear God,,
tolong bg ketenangan cket bley ?
resah x tntu pasal nie.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

fuck thee !

WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO MAKE ME FEEL THIS CHEAP !
YOU FUCKED UP LIAR !

you can go to hell for all i care,,
i dont ever wanna hear from you again.

and FUCK YOU nur atikah !

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

okayyyy.
back in jB,,baby !
was in subang for 11 days.
eleven fuckin' amazing days !
;D

thursday :
arrived,, hung out with nin.
dinner,, got high.
argued with nawa,,patch thigs up with nawa.
hung out with nawa,,zam,, sham,,rezal and anod (islam)
who is lookin' cuter than eva !
haha.pool and karaoke later that nite.

friday :
date with boo.;))
watched kick-ass.
makan kfc.
boo belanje new zealand ice cream !
haha. simply hung out.
super duper fun time.

saturday :
gathering with hazree,, nin and naw at subang parade.
coffee talk at coffee bean.
gossip. gossip. gossip.
then malam hung out with rezal,,nina,, anod and a junior from school.(cnt remember his name)
shisha at mus's place.
then ronda kL with rezal.
got back to subang,, hung out again till 6 am.

sunday :
woke up around 7.30am.fone call from nawa.
basketball game with naw,,nin,,hazree and aj.
;D
dah karat dow.
cpat pancit.haha.
moral of the story,, smoke lahh bnyk2 lagiii !;D
then keluar dgn boo lagi.
haha. makan kfc lagi.
;)

monday - friday :
bla bla bla.
the ussual stuff.hung out.
karaoke.makan tdo mndy smoke.
bla bla bla.

SATURDAY :
haha. the highlight of the week !
arrived at bukit kiara's indoor stadium sometime after 5.
police cars everywhere.
people selling tee shirts and food all around.
macam pasar malam pon ade rupe.
got thru the first gate around 6 something.
waited and waited.till the second gate opens at 7+.
people began to crowed.

so we (me,,bro,,jason,,josh and jovi) qued.
there were id check.
seemed that kids under 18 are not allowed.pfft.
and unfortunately jovi and josh are below 18.
but josh looks much older,, so his cool.
its jovi who got stopped.
and there were nothing we could do to get him in.
so bro and jason stayed behind with him.

while me and josh proceeded queing for gate 3.
(yeah,, there were LOTSA gates)
pfft.

spent bout 45mins queing.
got to the front.back checking and bla3.
and so we're in !

got in the stadium.
roger shah was on.trans in not my thing.
so got a lil' bored.had a lil',, just a lil' of chivas and coke.
felt the guilty pleasure,, so i stopped.
wahaha. bangga okay !

run into joel (ex-schoolmate)
watched him and his friends rolled up some joints.
yes,, i was sane enuff to say no to weed that nite.
LOL.

bro and jason said they were coming in.
jovi sold his tix,,for rm160.and went to hartamas to watch football.woohoo. go chelsea !
went inside again.
it was getting just a lil' crowded.
no more trans.clubbing songs were on.
felt like i was in a huge club with a huge crowd of peeps.and the lightings were AWESOME !
and then.

"ladies and gentleman,, for the first time ever,, mr 305,,live in malaysia ! "

FUCKMAN !
there he was !suit and all.
looking fine than ever !;D

performed a few of his famous songs.
blanco,, shut it down,,hotel room,, i know you want me.and some of his latin tracks.
;D
and of course,,yess, there was an encore for him !
;))

damnit ! i <3 pitbull.and definitely worth the tix.;)

after that was benny benassi.stayed for his single 'satisfaction'.
then got bored and went outside.
bought some non-alcoholic drinks.haha.
was damn tired.
took a few pix.
and got inside again.

lisa,,sumthing,, (the lady dj) was on.
boleyh laa layan. cute mix.but was as tired as hell.
pfft.
so went to hartamas and joined jovi.shishaa.damnit.
sape yg ckap shisha dkat hartamas tu sdap mmmg tipu semata2 !
TAK SEDAP LANGSONG !
mahal je lbey.
but whateverr.haha.

in the nutshell lahh.
the concert was great.
pitbull's that is.considering i didnt pay the normal price for the tix.
it was okayy.but for those who bought the tix from ticket access.
especially yg bli vip passes tuu.
would surely complaint.haha.

so there it is.
pitbull live in malaysia.
my first concert ever.(excluding the giggs i went.)
hopefully its not the last.haha.
bile laa paramore nak dtg msia plak kann.
30stm ke.
;D

and here i am.
back in jB.arrived last nite,,around midnite.
was exhausted !
but all for the right reasons.hee.
and....
would have to go back soon.to kl that is.
25th would be the registration day for unitar.
damn nervous.
and excited. all mixed up lahh.
but definitely thrilling.hee.
wish me luck yaww !

might be going back by the 23rd.
but im not sure yet.
23rd ?
haha.happy bday mier ! ;)
welcome to the 20s !

ohh,,and meen texted me today.
look,, im sorry for what happened.
and i sure as hell miss you.and i hope kamu bnyk la sabarr okay.
everything will be okayy. you'll see.
;D
i'll be here whenever u need someone to talk to aite.

so that's about it for now.
peace out. (tryin to be a lil' bit of a hippie these days.hee)
p/s : booboo. imysm ! ;)





video

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Q and A !

Fav famous couple :
ellen degeneres and portia de rossi !<33 !
ohh,, and demi moore and ashton kutcher. ;)

Fav characteristic of yourself :
my confidence.

Childhood ambition :
haha.to be a doctor. pfft.

What makes you cry :
sad movies.especially with family values.

What makes you sad :
arguing with friends or family.which really stress me out.
and the thought of her.

What did you learn today :
true friend is hard to find.

The last book you read :
the desprate diary of a country housewife.haha.

Fav word :the F word ?

Fav motto :
life's too short to take too seriously.

Fav sound :
music !;D

What would be the title of your autobiography :
"love is a four letter word - F."hehe.

Fav virtue :
honesty.sincerity.humbleness.

Best childhood memory :
haha.panjat2 pokok with bro,,johan and adam.
aww,, i miss that momment. ;(

What makes you laugh :
jeff dunham's show.X)

Finish the sentence :

Happiness is :
a stable life and positive thinking ?

Love is :
a feeling that comes from heart and uncondittional.pfft.

Somewhere :
over the rainbow is one of my fav song !;D

I would never :
forget what you've done for me,, so i wanna say thank you. ;)

I will always :
be there for you the way u've been there for me.

I love :
you.
;D

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

never look back.

i cant say today is the worst day ever.
but it is one of those days that i just dont love.

everything seemed wrong.
everyone keeps pissing me off.
traffic was like hell.
i was grumpy all day long.

untill about 9pm just now.
took a nap and everything got better.

pfft. wtf is going on.
i thought about u and it spoils my whole day.
terbaek lah weyy.

u told me that u broke up wioth sue.
haih.
ive really got no comment on it lahh.

and then about unitar.
went there this afternoon.
wallaowey.

i get butterflies all of the sudden.
25th is coming really soon !
am i really ready ?
damn it.

and then of course.
driving here and there.
damn tiring weyhh !
1 thing i hate bout kL nie.
jam nye.
pergh. mencabar kesabaran betol.

and fuck ya'll crazy drivers.
suke hati korg je nak potong2 line.
xreti drive xpayah drive la weyh !

lemme see.
what's next.
korg2 plak.
kalao aku xdapat nak lepaq tu,, sorry laa.
xperlu laa nak ckap aku kerek ke ape ke.
penat dow.

idk laa.
tensed je lately nie.
apesal laaaaaa.
haih.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

tinggal kenangan.

speaking of which.
just talked to u on the fone.

dont u think that its wierd,,
we are still connected in some ways.
as if u know that im thinking bout u.
and u called.

there were a lot of silence kann ?
obvously not like last time.
haha.

"i just want to listen to ur voice kejap"

sumpah rase nak nangis !

idk laa.
i feel so weak.

you are the only one who can hurt me this bad.
u know that.

so thxx lahh.
thank you for the tears !

*sighs.

she'll be back.

fuck lahh !
what the heck is wrong with me !

faaaraaaahhhhh !
dy da bwat kao mcm tu pon kao nak cair dkat dy lagiii ?
its not worthit okayy !

damn it laa.
i thought yeah,, maybe we can be friends.
dah lame kott. xkan x ready2 lagii.

but everytime we speak on the phone,,
all those memories ive tried so had to get rid off
comes haunting back.

and fuck yess,, i miss her.

and now,, i just dont know what to do anymore.
i somehow still want you in my life.

its stupid,, i know.

maybe its best that we dont contact each other.
for the time being.
until im strong enough.

you didnt contact me today.
i wish you did.

but im glad you didnt.

STOP FUCKING WITH MY HEAD LAHHHH !

Monday, April 19, 2010

choose farah choose !

okayyyy.
i opened my mailbox today,,
and guess what i found.
an offer letter from unisel.
pfft.


" sekalung tahniah di atas kejayaan anda. sukacita dimaklumkananda ditawarkan tempat untuk mengikuti pengajiandi universiti industri selangor bagi pengambilan mei 2010. "


WHOAAA !
a year for foundation in TESL.

TESL tuuu.
ive always wanted to take tesl.
in fact i was suppose to take tesl with my friend,, hanie,,
before i got offered studying in uitm.
she's in unisel. taking tesl. dah degree kot.


sgt confuse okayyy.

but im so super excited for culinary tuh !
dah berkobar2,, then dpat offer nie plak.


teaching ?
cooking ?

wahahaha !
mane 1 nie !!!

mama said to go for tesl.

somehow im not feeling confident enough for it.
english dah laa berterabor cmnie.
but thats the point of taking it right ?
to learnnn ?

im really into culinary tu.
but when i think about the future,,i'll be more stable taking tesl.


haih.
registration day will be on the 26th of may.
bestari jaya,, selangor.
hulu mane ntah,, xtao laa.

eeee. mcm mane nie !
serabott !need to think deep bout it.
real deep.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

blogging 4 am in the mornin'.

heyyy blog.
;D

its about time that i update you.
dont really know what to write if its not about her.
but ade laa org tu ckap,,
just write down whatever that pops in mind.
and since im so darn bored,,
and got nothing else to do.
pfft.

so,, first off !

gonna start studying again soon.
and i can officially lable myself as a student again.
LOL.
uintar in kelana jaya !
hell yeahhhhhh !
goodbye jB,, hello kJ !

klana jaya is practically in the middle of subang and pJ.
and that fact my dear,, makes me the happiest girl on earth !
subang.subang.subang.
ohh subang jaya terchenta !
;D
xbley bla.

i fuckin' miss :

>SUNWAY !
>ninnah kamilah asmoni.
>nasi lemak depan sekolah.
>asia caFe. poooooolllll !
>subway,,carl's jr and wendy's.
(no fuckin way ure gonna find yhose in jB)
>rezal hamid. shamm,,aku x rindu kao sbb kao slalu je mnyemak kat jB nie ha. ;P
>nawal nadia azimuddin.
>basketball. cnfrim dah karat kalao maen.
>honey,,sha,,aJ,,mia.
>nadzrul and hazree.
>HANA HIZAM !!! gotta see u again.
>aaron tan yg dah murtad sbb pindah klang.

and the list goes on and on.
i pretty much miss EVERYTHING.

so where were we.
ah yesss.
unitarrr.
university tun abdul razak.
culinaryyyyyyyy.
haha.
damn excited !

chef farahhh~~~.
cewahhh.
;D ;D ;D
i strongly believe i've found my passion.

some may question.
why culinary.
why the heck not.
watch me.

and then there's....

PITBULL LIVE IN MSIA !
OMGGG !
genting,, 15th of may !
am soooo going !

apsal laa overexcited nie.
bodo gile.
hah.

lemme see.
what else pops in mind.

haha.
nothin.
LMFAO !
the brain is definitely jammed.
pfft.

aite2.
nak keluar beli rokok sbb sngap gile.
hee.


Wednesday, April 7, 2010

time.

honestly,,
i really did loved you.
honestly,,
what we had was all true.
honestly,,
i know that i've hurt you too.

truthfully,,
for a while i did go crazy.
truthfully,,
i hope that you are happy.
truthfully,,
knowing you,, i do feel lucky.

frankly,,
i knew we could never last.
frankly,,
two years did seem so fast.
frankly,,
i accepted that it was just the past.

recently,,
i thought about you plenty.
recently,,
i woke up from my fantasy.
recently,,
i thought about maybe.

maybe,,
you and i could be friends.
maybe,,
we can start to hang again.
maybe,,
everything would be like back then.

however,,
would it be possible ?
however,,
am i sure i wont feel miserable ?
however,,
is it gonna be just another ripple ?

moreover,,
i need to make sure that im okay.
moreover,,
past is past and that's where it should stay.
moreover,,
there is nothing more that i can say.

furthermore,,
i think im over everything.
furthermore,,
thinking about you,, my mood doesnt swing.
furthermore,,
i've found someone who can make my heart sing.

lastly,,
i wanna say thank you.
lastly,,
i wanna say that i miss you.
lastly,,
i hope that you think of me too.

forevermore,,
you are someone i'll never forget.
forevermore,,
you are someone i wont regret.
forevermore,,
you'll be the reason my tears were shed.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

could it be ?

dear blog,,
feels like its been ages since i wrote.
the truth is that i just dont know what to write.

so,, life's been good so far.
mama broke her arm,, so,,
did nothing much other than looking after her.
except for last week though.
went to melaka,,clubbing,,
then climbing gunung ledang the next day.
haha.
was with eka,, nad,, biey and angah.
then scha,,epy,,am,, lynn and danny joined.

it was probably the most fun night i had for so long.
;D
yeaaa,, i broke my new year's resolution.
bla bla bla.
haha. had a margarita with mama few weeks before though.
heh.

however there were some heavy woo-ing with the peeps.
when we were at ayoob,,
felt like we were devided into 2 groups.
definitely felt left out and clueless.
angah,,nad and biey were not in a good circle with the others.
didnt know if they were arguing or whatsoever,,
but lynn,,danny,, scha,,epy and am didnt join us clubbing that night.

found out that there might be something going on between epy and meen.
i know.
WHATTHEFUCK right.
haha.
a reliable source told me that epy was the one to
ask meen if she wanted to be with her.

fuck.

how twisted can this be !
i dont really give a damn bout meen anymore,,
but if what i heard was true,,
i would feel nothing less than being backstabbed by epy.
i mean,,
she and i are friends. right ?
and she once said that she was sorry sue took meen away from me.
what's that suppose to mean now ?

damn,, cant imagine them being together.
and what about scha ?
aih,, pening kepala kott fikirr.
the thing is that
idk how true this is.

there's always two sides of a story right.
i was waiting for her to tell me about it.
i mean,, im not gonna be mad or anything.
and if she would just come clean,,
then our friendship wouldnt be at stake so much.

anyhow,,whateverr lahh.
so what kann.
it shouldnt be any of my concern anymore.
until tonight.

when epy texted me,, saying :
'u ade masalah dgn i ke ?'

okayyy. wtf does that even mean ?
got really confused.
tried to call her,, but she didnt pickup.

epy,,
take it this way dawg,,
i malas nak gadow2 nie.
and sentap menyentap is so not my thing.
i admit that i got a lil pissed when i found out bout this.
but xde la i nak mengamuk pon kan.
its non of my business anyway.
but it would be better if you had told me bout it first.
but who cares kann.
just chill laa.
okayy ?

if i decided to let u read my blog soon,,
then i just wanna say that
its cool.
im cool with everything.
so,,whatever lahh.
we're cool aite ?
friends will be friends.
i hope. i xkan lupe the times u helped me when i was in need.
i just hope u'll think wisely.
what i mean is that scha is a nice person.
and if u've already found someone who could love u just as u are,,
dont let her out of ur sight.

and kalao lahh i decided to let all u people read my blog,,
haha.
which i doubt.
stop laa nak bgadow nie.
nak pulau2 ke.
kite kan dah besarrr. cewahh.
bende nie semua small matter je.
xpayah nak sterss2 kan life aite.

i love love love it when we were so close to each other.
g clubbing same2,, then camp dkat tepi pntai,,bbq.
kan bestt mcm tu.
i dont want to pick sides.
think about it,,peeps.
we could be the coolest people on earth.
kan3 ?

just a piece of my mind.
;D
i love ya'll ! okayy ?!
tp sygg eka lbey cket. hee.
;P

bnyk pulak farah nie nag mlm nie.
haha. bosan sgt la nie.
aite.
gonna hit the shower,, then off to bed.
nite2 ! X)


Tuesday, March 2, 2010

candles.

the power lights went out,,

i am all alone.
i dont really care at all not answering my phone.
all the games you played,,
the promises you made,,
couldnt finish what you started,,
only darkness still remains.
lost sight,, couldnt see
when it was you and me.

blow the candles out.
looks like a solo tonight.
im beginning to see the light.
blow the candles out.
looks like a solo tonight.
but i think i'll be alright.

been black and blue before,,
theres no need to explain.
i am not the jaded kind,,
playback's such a waste.
you're invisible,,
invisible to me.
my wish is coming true.
erase the memory of your face.

one day you'll wake up with
nothing but your sorrys.
someday,, you'll get back
everything you give me.

Friday, February 19, 2010

i'll get used to it eventually.

dear blog,,

i dont know what's been going on with me today.
i dont know why but im just not up for anything today.
as if im really cranky.
my friends called to hang out,, but what can i say,,
im just not up for it.
i just want to be alone.
which i think im not being my self.
at all.
that's so odd.

i missed her so much today.
and i cant stop thinking bout her.
the whole day today.
it just kills my mood.

my sister keeps asking if im okay.
i guess she could see that i was feeling so blue.
haha,, the funny story is that

my nephew came to me just now,, when i was listening to my mp3.
all of the sudden he aked me :
"mamarah,, mane kakak meen ?"
i couldnt answer him.
i burst into tears that very momment.
that lil' kid remembered her.
that would mean she must've done something right afterall,, right ?

ntah laa.

i was watching tv just now,,
and twilight was showing.
haha.
watching it for the first time after we broke up.
made me thought about our first time watching it
in the cinema.

she held my hand tight,, hugged me close as i was feeling cold.
i miss that momment.
that very momment.
i wish i could have that momment again.
i wish.

kills me when i know that she's doing it with someone else now.
but whatever lahh.

*sighs.

i miss youu,, nur athira syakina.
i miss you so damn much today.
and yes,, i fucking hate myself for that.

but i cant help it.
you scarred me so bad,, so deep.
leaving me breathless,, and clueless.
you took my love.
tear my heart apart.
but still,, imysm.

let tomorrow be better.
lets hope everything will fall into it's place.
but for now,, i just wanna tell you that imissyou.




i'll lock you in my heart forever.