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Saturday, December 26, 2009

weeeeeeeeeee !

back again.

and,, my myspace acc is still active,, for some reason.
funny thing right.
penatt je nanges.

am going back to melaka tomorrow.
cant wait to see meen.

i know its only been 1 month,,
but it feels like years.

god i miss her !

Saturday, December 5, 2009

khatimah cinta.

hey youu.

i did something that i never thought i would today.
i deleted my myspace account.
yea,, that account which ive had it since i was in form 3.

i did.

i've deleted it.

meen got jelous,, reading my comments with other people.
other butches,, to be exact.

hm. she said i was flirting with people to much.
i was.

was i ?

maybe,, yea.
i would never admit this to her,, my pride is too high.

but yea,, i was flirting.
but i knew that i would NEVER go anywhere with them.

i was just fooling around.
and i never denied the fact that im taken by someone.

why do i do it,, she asked.
is she not good enough for me she said.

of course u are,, saayang.

i dont need anyone else like i need youu.
no,, i dont.

maybe i just love the attention.
i like it when people comment my pictures saying i am preety and all.

i need that to feel confident.

i'd like to know that people likes me.
that my personality can get along fine with other people.

i like to be looking foward to new comments when i log in.


she just couldnt accept that.
she made me choose.
her or to flirt around with other people.

i told her,, i thought i was okay for me to fool around,,
coz i know my limits right.

seems that its just not good enough for her.

so,, i deleted my account.
my account that i built so hard for years.

ive almost reached 1000 friends.
i had over 1600 comments.

i'll just keep it as another memory now lahh.

if my sadnessis the price to pay
for my loved ones happiness,,
so be it.

like meen,, she'll have nothing to be jelous or mad about after this.

like mama,, she's so much happier when she gets me for herself.

and like everyone else,, they're so much happier when i had to sneak around to smoke,, or drink or club.

i just wanna say one thing though,,

hasnt it ever occur to u guys that these are the things that i simply like to do.
that i simply love to do.
coz it makes me feels good bout myself.
and that its just me,, apart of me.

and by stopping me doing all these things,, it just means that u are not accepting me for who i truly am.
and u guys are simply asking me to change.


anyways,, im listening to this new song i downloaded.
its called 'khatimah cinta' ny 6ixth sense.
im listening to it over and over again.
the lyrics is just so beautiful.

oh tidur malam nyanyikan lagu rindu hatiku yang terpanah
oh bintang malam lukis wajahku katakan aku pergi
genggamlah cinta yang ku berikan simpanlah slalu dalam hati
ku akan slalu dalam mimpimu menemani tidurmu
sudahlah sudah ku harus pergi
jangan kau tangisi aku lagi
biarku bawa sluruh cintamu
ku dakap dalam tidur panjangku
peluk tubuhku kecup keningku
relakan saja aku pergi

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

my way on the highway !

heyy heyy.
back again. after so long.
yea,, im officially 20 now.

just had my birthday few days ago.

so here's the deal.

im back together with meen.

yea,, u must be wonderin how on earth did that happened.

hm. where do i begin.
she fucked up,, and so did i.
and in the end i decided that i cant live without her.
i simply refuse to let her go.
i guess its true then.
what they say.
u'll never know what u got till its gone.

i took meen for granted.
i learnt my lesson.

we're together again.
yea,, there's still fights going on every now and then
as i cant yet forgive what she did with that bitch.
but i look at it simply as the ups and downs of a relationship.

i love her too much to let her go.
i rather suffer.

we've got bigger problems to handle now.
idk how to put it.

just when i thought that we can be together peacefully again,,
well,, i dont think i can take meen home with me again.
at least not with my mom here.
she doesnt like it when i spend too much time with meen.
i guess she wants all the attention to herself.

and i cant go back to meen's house,, coz,,
truth be told,, her sister hates me.
and so does her uncle.

but what the fuck right.
im gonna do it my way.
you people dont like us being together?
guess again.

we are gonna be together !

as for my studies,, haha.
just forget about it.

till then,, i'll write again soon.


Saturday, September 12, 2009

that mother'F'er.

fuck off.
ohh,, just fuck it.
where do i even begin?!

she cheated.
she fucking cheated.

we were together,, and she was actually fucking around with another bitch.
yea,, that's her name.

fucking sweet and cute aint it.

aite,, i know,, they've been messaging.
meen did that because she wants to get even with me,, because i was messaging muff.
fine,, cool with me.

but then,, she said she had stopped.
she said that she passed rena to my friend,, zett.

fuck off.

she got jelous when rena started calling zett 'syg' and all.
(yess,, agree with me when i say that rena is such a cheap bitch).

she took her back.
owkay,, from then on,, everything they did was behind my back.

the best part of the story is,,
rena actually came to melacca to see her.
and i was at home,, thinking that she really went to class.
aww,, rajen nye meen g class. im so fucking proud of her.

when the truth is that,, she took her to zett's room (in the campus) and fucks her there.
she actually spent the nite there.
cn u fucking believe it?!

that was the first time they met.
the second time was 9yess,, there was a second time)
when i went back to jB.
meen said that she was going to go to her dad's.
in putrajaya.
aww. such a good daughter.

that's when zett decided to tell me.
her exact words was
"i dont think u're worth lying to,, farah".
so she spilled it out.

i,, stupidly broke down and cry.
i was by the beach that time.
swear to god,, i thought bout suicides a lot that nite.

felt like my heart was torn into a million pieces.
felt like i was stabbed.
over and over again.

to be continued.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

finding back the spark.

hey youu.
latest update.
myself and meen got back together recently.

i think we've finally found back our spark of fire of our love.
i got over muff.
i think i do.

im crazy bout meen again.
she's the only one in the world whom i think really understands me.
above all,, she's the one who stood with me.
accepting my flaws.
loving me unconditionally.

yess,, we had our share of bad days in our relationship,,
but in the end,, we cant live without each other.

she treats me like a queen,, even after what i did to her.
how can anyone do that?

and as far as my studies.
im planning to do something bout it.
fix back what i destroyed.
i'm gonna get my life back.

the old farah is will be arriving soon.

thank you to those who helped me out.
when i was feeling down,,
ever so down.
when i was just about to give up on life.
there u were.
standing right beside me,,
pushing me,, in ur own unique way.

i'm gonna turn my life around.
everything will be owkay.

thank u God.

u shed some lights when everything was so dark.
even to a person like myself.
doing everything that im not suppose to.

im grateful.

wish me luck on brighting my future,, y'all!

xoxo,, .F.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

fuck life.

hello again.
yet another frustrating day.
had an arguement with mama.
well,, wouldnt call it an arguement,,
more like being scholded by her.

i told her i dont want to study anymore.
she freaked out.

wtf,, the truth is that i just have no intrest in studying anymore.
its all just too tiring.
my studies are dropping every sem.
i cant seem to be concerntrating in classes anymore.
i skipped a lot,,
and i mean a whole lot if classes this sem.

i would assume that all my lecturers are fed up wih me and my attitude.
whatmore can i say.
i just dont want to study anymore.

i need a fucking break laa.
yess,, im lazy.
so what.
i cant handle myself anymore.
i do things that i shouldnt be doing in the first place.
off lately,, i always manage to get myself into trouble.

wtf is wrong with this picture.
its like im changing into a whole different person.
i dont fucking know who i am anymore.
whats worst is that im not sure if i like the person i've become or not.

i've turn into this wild, crazy, outgoing, flirtatious, daring, angry, cold-hearted person.
it feels good at times, i have to admitt.
but why the hell do i feel that my life is falling apart.

my love-life broke into a million pieces,, because i just couldnt stop flirting.
my studies drop because i just dont care bout my future anymore.
my family is breaking apart.
my friends obviously dont like whom i've become.

fuck everything.
owh yea,, i sure curse a damn lot these days.
why the fuck is that.

damn the world.
deep inside me,, i know that this is just one of the phase that i have to go through.

but how long will it takes.
i know i've hurt a lot of people lately.
im sorry.
im sorry that i've changed.

its hard for me to change back.
once u've tasted paradise,, it's hard to let go.

im praying to you, God.
give me back my life.
please make me strong.
to face all these.

i dont fucking know how much longer i can hold on.

*sighing every single second of the fucking day.

Monday, August 17, 2009

fuck love.

these last cople of months had been fucking exhausting.
too much trouble.
too much drama.
im just so fucking tired.

i was in love with my partner meen,,
and we've been together for more than a year.
then,, all of the sudden,, the love was gone.
i still care for ther, yess, no doubt.
but i kinda have a thing for this someone.
lets refer her as muf.

yea,, i have a crush on her.
but im not expecting anything more than to e friends with her.
obviously i wasnt willing to let meen go.
but she couldnt handle it.
she was too jelous.

and meen is the type who keeps it all inside,,
so one day,,
she exploded and just lost her control.
she did things i couldnt imagine she would do.
she embarresed me in public.
and i dont know if i'll eer forgive her fo that.

so then,, i turn to muf for comfort.
and she was there for me
she had always been.

i tried to patch things up with meen.
i really did.
somehow,, its just not looking so good.

ohh, just fuck it.

so,, muff.
i thought about her all the time.
it feels like way back in highschool,,
when i had a crush on some one.
yea,, something like that.

so basically,, its like this.

i love meen.
but i like muff.
and every day feels like im loving her more and more.
idk,, is it really love.
i think its more to care.
i care bout her more and more.

darn it.
wtf is going to happen?
we'll just hv to wait and see.