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Wednesday, August 19, 2009

fuck life.

hello again.
yet another frustrating day.
had an arguement with mama.
well,, wouldnt call it an arguement,,
more like being scholded by her.

i told her i dont want to study anymore.
she freaked out.

wtf,, the truth is that i just have no intrest in studying anymore.
its all just too tiring.
my studies are dropping every sem.
i cant seem to be concerntrating in classes anymore.
i skipped a lot,,
and i mean a whole lot if classes this sem.

i would assume that all my lecturers are fed up wih me and my attitude.
whatmore can i say.
i just dont want to study anymore.

i need a fucking break laa.
yess,, im lazy.
so what.
i cant handle myself anymore.
i do things that i shouldnt be doing in the first place.
off lately,, i always manage to get myself into trouble.

wtf is wrong with this picture.
its like im changing into a whole different person.
i dont fucking know who i am anymore.
whats worst is that im not sure if i like the person i've become or not.

i've turn into this wild, crazy, outgoing, flirtatious, daring, angry, cold-hearted person.
it feels good at times, i have to admitt.
but why the hell do i feel that my life is falling apart.

my love-life broke into a million pieces,, because i just couldnt stop flirting.
my studies drop because i just dont care bout my future anymore.
my family is breaking apart.
my friends obviously dont like whom i've become.

fuck everything.
owh yea,, i sure curse a damn lot these days.
why the fuck is that.

damn the world.
deep inside me,, i know that this is just one of the phase that i have to go through.

but how long will it takes.
i know i've hurt a lot of people lately.
im sorry.
im sorry that i've changed.

its hard for me to change back.
once u've tasted paradise,, it's hard to let go.

im praying to you, God.
give me back my life.
please make me strong.
to face all these.

i dont fucking know how much longer i can hold on.

*sighing every single second of the fucking day.